Yesterday was an amazingly eventful day from start to finish. First thing in the morning, Aidan and I were off to see his ENT doctor at Texas Children's Hospital for another ear infection in this crazy cycle of chronic infections. He doesn't get inner ear infections. He gets them in the outer ear. He's prone to infections from mere contact with soap and water (and probably has a lot to do with his tiny ear canals.... so hopefully he'll outgrow this soon.) Aidan wears some super funky blue and green striped ear molds every night when he takes a bath to prevent the infections from returning. *sigh*
So back we went back to Texas Children's Hospital to get this darned infection under control again, and Aidan had a wonderful time in the lobby with all the fish in aquariums (both the fake fish in the tall plastic tubes with bubbles that float up and down, as well as the more elaborate and bigger aquarium with all the real colorful fish.) He likes to run around pointing to said fish, the fakers and the real deal, and repeatedly announce "Fish, Fish, Fish!!" to anyone, child or adult, that will look or listen. He's extremely loud and animated, so any of the hard of hearing or deaf kids hanging out nearby in the lobby probably got the gist of his simple but passionate message.
Unfortunately, someone will always come out eventually to claim Aidan, and then the meltdown starts. As soon as we go through the doors to the first room where he is weighed and checked in by a nurse, he loses it. The ENT visits in the past have been very traumatic for him with all the poking and prodding, to the point that a haircut or a visit to my doctor (yes, for me) can trigger the mother of all psychotic meltdowns. A little off topic here, but when do I ever have just one topic anyway??? He weighs 33 pounds now. I know he's pushing 3 feet tall, if he's not there already. We'll have his 2 year visit in the next few weeks (another meltdown in the making) and will get his new stats then. Someone actually asked me if he was 3 or 4 yesterday!
Finally, we headed to the next room to wait for the doctor and oy... I don't think a deaf person on that floor could have missed the vibrations of his sobbing and wailing when he saw THAT room. Poor baby (and mommy... I have to say it... :) There was a carnival type mirror in there for the pint-sized, and I made a picture of him standing in front of it looking at himself crying. I should be ashamed for saying this, but it is truly a hilarious picture of his over sized head on his tiny body thanks to the distortion of the mirror with his squished up face and tears. After I had my fun, we found a few books laying around and read stories calmly until the nurse and doctor came in and had to clean out his ears. I was his human swaddle...what a workout, but it sure beat wrapping him up and laying him down on a table when I couldn't do anything for him. It was over pretty quickly, and Aidan was overjoyed to tell the doctor "bye bye" (which is Aidan speak for "now get away from me already, lady. I am outta this joint.") Of course she found him cute and cooed back at the sweet child telling him bye bye too. We left with 4 prescriptions of ear drops, so I think I can get him through any more flare-ups in the future until, hopefully, they are all behind us. Thank goodness.
After that, we headed for a really busy Chick-Fil-A where I knew for certain a little someone would be over the moon when he saw the play area. After we had lunch, we wandered back there, and it was one of those sky high play centers with mazes and tunnels and what-not. However, it was not very wide on the ground with options low to earth for the tiny tot crowd.
Aidan struggles to keep up with the big kids when we are out at these play areas. He loves their energy, and frankly most of the kiddos his age tend to get run over by his exuberance if he's not watched carefully. On the other hand, older boys make me nervous around him when they get too wild, but I love the older girls. They just love doting on him and helping him climb and play. Aidan thinks every kid is his new best friend, and that just warms those little girls' hearts wherever we go.
Aidan enjoyed making do with climbing the bottom of the slide, and working his way through the little maze that goes straight up to the big stuff, but he didn't go high at all...nothing crazy and mostly age appropriate play. I finally told Aidan we had to go and the next thing I know he scampered up to the top of that sucker.... I mean non-stop climbing... go, go, go.... Whoa. Not cool, kiddo.... After all this time, now he decides to be Spidey Jr. and take off like a big boy running from his mama who is more than ready to leave. Why did he have to choose then to be so "normal"? So, so not cool... especially when I had to climb to the top of Space Mountain (seriously this sucker was so freaking tall) wiggling like an inch worm in small confined spaces back and forth just to get up to the top. I actually asked some lady I didn't know to watch my purse so I could tag after him because he was completely out of my sight and not coming out. I've have only had to chase him once before, but this really called for an intervention.
Once I got to the top and was swarmed by pint-sized pipsqueaks maneuvering around me, I still couldn't quite get to Aidan who was gleefully skipping off to other parts. (Nothing like seeing mama to give him an even extra dose of confidence up there, which was so not my plan.) I finally asked an older girl, who'd been pointing out which tunnel he was playing in so I could try to keep up with him from the ground, if she'd go down the big crazy slide with him. She obliged and I wiggled down the bottom again feeling like a big over sized dork. As soon as he came through that slide with a big grin plastered on his face, I nabbed him. Of course there was a little drama that ensued, but we did finally escape with minimal tears. What a relief!
After our Chick-Fil-A outing, I had an appointment at the audiologist's office to discuss all the problems I was having last week. I was soooooooooo blessed to get someone new that I absolutely hit it off with, and even more fortunate that my friend, Shelly (God bless her!!) showed up to entertain Aidan while I was back there. I had a great interpreter, Randy, who had never been to a mapping before so he was fascinated as well. Michelle, my new audiologist (and yes, she is taking over my case!!!) and I did a lot of in depth talking. I asked for a kick in the bass... (*giggling*... it's okay, doesn't rhyme, people!) I left with 4 new mapping programs based on what *I* wanted. Also, at one point before we started, she asked me if I'd like to meet someone there that was MUCH like me hearing-wise as well as her background with hearing loss (from childhood) and was there for her for her first mapping of her second implant. I was a little ho-hum... yeah, sure... bring her back but thinking I'd talked to so many people online and through their blogs that I didn't expect much new info.
Randy and I were sitting there waiting and just talking when the door opened. In came my hearing loss twin, and oh. my. gosh. Michelle introduced Angela, while I took a quick look at her face and instantly made the connection. I was so excited when I saw her that I started squealing, "ANGELA EARHART????????" Well, I caught her off guard and everyone else there. I jumped up and grabbed her hands saying, "Do you remember me??? (Angela=stunned, dazed and confused) Miss Deaf Iowa, top ten!!!! You were a chef for you talent!!! (part of her act, it was actually a kind of skit) Miss Deaf Tennessee *pointing to self who was NOT top ten* Miss Deaf America Pageant!!" Let the party begin. I had not seen her in 15 years, and she was, for those two weeks, one of my nearest and dearest friends during that insanely busy and stressful whirlwind adventure.
Angela is a celebrity around these parts. She was on this reality medical show based in Houston a few years called Houston Medical that was shown nationally (I think that is the correct name... need to google this...) Not only is Angela deaf, people, but she is an honest to God doctor. I taped her show for my high school students who used to whine about being deaf limiting them to like... oh......everything????
I, of course, bombarded her with giddiness while chattering away and then we compared notes on our experiences. She's been activated with number one for about 8 months, and it has been so much work for her. She's still getting there, and she still has an interpreter with her 24/7 at the hospital where she works. She will be soon be practicing at Methodist Hospital in Houston. She's such a fascinating, down to earth person.
Her husband is just fabulous. He is from Romania and spoke perfect English even though it is not his first language.... and .... get this... SIGNED!!!!!!!!!! My husband is so meeting this guy one day. Angela (and her husband) gave a great little pep talk and also a reality talk on what it's really like to have grown up deaf, oral, with hearing aids in regards to this fairly new experience with cochlear implants. Her husband gave some great tips on how my husband can help by identifying sounds I might hear in public and making me aware of them so I'll start to recognize them.
Angela is still learning, but she did say she is getting much better with speech, but still has a ways to go. The first two to three months were the hardest for her, but she got to a point where the CI was working well enough that the hearing aid in her other ear started sounding lousy. Interesting. Angela eventually had to leave and go see the surgeon (same one I have), and I had to get back to the business of mapping, but it was just too cool seeing her.
Before Angela had left for her doctor's appointment at another building, a staff member who'd heard our 1994 Miss Deaf America Pageant connection (I'm sure I was fairly loud) ran back to the room with a camera and snapped our picture. I couldn't have looked more "stay at home mom-ish thrown together in ten minutes", but I placed Angela's skinny butt slightly in front of me so I could hide a tiny bit and slapped on a smile (and prayed this picture doesn't show up on any newsletter! Darn it, where's a shiny tiara when you need one?! Nothing hides a few pounds like a tiara does... especially a shiny one...) Shelly and I did run into Angela and her husband one more time downstairs as we were all going our separate ways. She said that her new CI is just like starting over with the first one again. I guess it is just how we are hardwired? So much for the brain giving her a break after all this time listening with the other implant, but hopefully that one will catch up to the other quickly for her. I can't wait to hear more from her.
Back to the mapping, Michelle listened to me and played with the bass. I got a nice boost, but it sounded like just low tones in my head, not actual real life sounds. She did say my lowest mapping at P1 she programed, if it went any lower I wouldn't be hearing anything (but I'd still be getting stimulation on the auditory nerve if we did that though and it would be far better to wear it at P1 than not at all), so I didn't go any lower. She also slowed the rate down that I was hearing... and I have no idea what that means, but things weren't quite as hectic in my head. She told me that I might not hear the burner at home but to check it out. (Yes, I tried it out immediately after arriving home, several times, and still hear it.)
After a nice little visit where nothing seemed to change too much sound-wise except to be more tolerable and a little lower, my exhausted child and I headed to a party store to find Mickey Mouse invitations for his Chuck E. Cheese birthday celebration next month. I hope he doesn't suffer from mouse confusion, but at his age Chuck E. and Mickey probably look like long lost cousins, and he has more than enough love for them both. Of course he wouldn't leave the party store willingly without a balloon, and I was happy to find the Blue Clues mylar balloon on clearance for $1. Latex balloons are a big cause of choking in young children, and it terrifies me every time someone offers him one. He's just obsessed with balloons. I'm debating on whether an enormous Micky balloon tossed in with his Chuck E. Cheese balloons would look goofy, but he'll be two. It's Chuck E. Cheese. I'm pretty sure anything goes.
We went to the bakery to order his Mickey cake and then also walked over to Half Priced Books a few stores down. Whew. Why do I think that child can handle such excitement? I couldn't look at anything without a whole new shelf of books threatening to fall at his fingertips. I picked up one book after another he yanked out and finally settled on Duck For President (we have two books from this collection, and they make ME laugh every time I read them) and a small slew of Thomas books. I just couldn't concentrate beyond that as Aidan was into EVERYTHING.... He was also coughing and sniffling and draining from a cold that was getting worse by the hour.... We paid for our purchases and got out of there before I lost my mind further.
Walking to our car I saw my trunk was open for business. What the heck? I'm really losing it, and that wasn't the first time I've walked up to my car to find the trunk opened from accidentally hitting the trunk button on my remote. It would be nice if I could HEAR it pop open. My husband had work supplies stored back there, but I guess they didn't look too appealing as they were all intact. I walked back to put the trunk down, and right as it was shutting, I saw it. In slow motion but yet just a split second in time, my child's hand wandered to the open area of the car just as the trunk was flying down, and like the bionic woman (in super slow yet lightening fast motion), mama came to the rescue with her thumb, as the rest of the hand had no time to jump in and ouch. ouch. ouch. Holy Toledo. I grabbed Aidan who was tearing up but his hand was fine (thank you, Jesus, and thank you, thumb!) and then a second peek at my thumb that appeared to be slowly doubling in size and growing blue. Yes, I cried. Man, ouch! This mom business is dangerous stuff some days, and to think there is no combat pay. Just a side note to explain what a hero I am not.... I originally broke that thumb at 13 weeks pregnant playing co-ed softball with James. It ended my softball career with a trip to the ER and having to sit there and stupidly tell these people..."yes, I'm pregnant... yes, I was playing ball... now please don't hurt my child with x-rays." *eyeroll* In the grand scheme of things, what's a little thumb for your child's well-being? At least in that one moment I felt like I had used it for a better purpose than I had 2.5 years ago. *sheepish grin*
Later that evening Aidan and I went with James to run some work-related errands and to pick up fast food at Sonic as I was too drained to whip up anything in the kitchen. We were all wiped out from our mutual long days by the time we got home. However, I realized I had worked my way up to map #3 in ONE day. On a whim, I flipped on the last program to P4 and pulled out the left HA for the heck of it, and IT. HAPPENED. Yes! My husband sounded like a kidnapped Donald Duck stuck in a bag on the side of the road, but I heard HIM. I heard words!!!! Real actual conversation and not just beep-beep-beepity-beep. I really truly honestly heard the guy! I did a really silly dance, and my son was right behind me getting jiggy and turning in circles. So there ya have it... A little kick in the bass can go a long way, and I guess I had to learn to tolerate the lower programs in order to get to a point that the mappings could get to the speech range. James sounded absolutely horrible and muffled, hollow, BUT it was really the most beautiful sound I've heard since that child of mine started wailing in the operating room nearly two years ago after that really long silence (and probably his last silence at that.)
Earlier that afternoon, my audiologist said her goal for me when I came back in a few weeks was to get to P4, and I was working it a few hours later... What an ego boost for me, and I really needed it. I am really determined to work at this now. All I needed was something a little more than the clicking on the gas stove to get me out of my funk and into my groove. I'm really glad that day worked out the way it did from getting moral support and babysitting from one of my closest friends and moral support from a very unexpected, old friend, as well as a great new audiologist that listens to me and walks me through everything she's doing, while humoring all my questions and suggestions. What a super fabulous day!!
Showing posts with label Miss Deaf America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miss Deaf America. Show all posts
Friday, April 10, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
My Life is an Extended Blooper Reel
This has been a weird kind of week..... It's one of those times where if I would just sit down and capture all the details on paper (or computer more likely) I might have started a true life comedy and best seller. No, nothing overly thrilling... but just the usual tales of the bloopers that make up my life. My friends humor me and tell me my stories are fabulous, but I'm pretty sure they mean that in a "and thank God it's you and not me" kind of way.
Where to start?? Last Saturday we took Aidan to the Houston Livestock and Rodeo. It is truly one of my favorite times of the year. I LOVE the rodeo. It was raining and the first day of spring break for all of Houston and the surrounding areas. We should've known it would be a zoo, literally, with a gazillion children in line for the petting zoo, pony rides, the cow barn, and even the exhibition areas with animals since the outside carnival was closed down. First we get there and go see the pigs. Aidan took off with James hot on his heels down the piggy lane... petting each pig for a hot second before taking off for the next. That child kills me. I have video of trying to keep up with him as I was pushing his stroller while he takes the occasional peek over his shoulder to see how close we are to catching up with him as he zigzags around the crowds. Then I took him to the petting zoo and he ran from goat to goat wrestling (again... literally) the poor things with his ferocious and maiming hugs. He ran up to a big ole llama and stuck his hand in its eyes and mouth.... then he pulled on the ears of a litter of tiny baby goats. I got more than one dirty look zipping behind him with the Flip camera while pulling him back from loving on the animals so intensely. We also took him through the barn where there were all kinds of big cows and bulls/steers, and a variety of goats and pigs. His dad thinks he is reliving his 4-H days by showing us how he can moo to a cow and get the cow to moo back. See, it's not me Aidan gets all the weirdness from, people! (His dad once raised a pig only to find out it was underweight before competition. PETA would probably love to know he bloated his pig up on water from a hose so he'd qualify to compete and eventually even place...) I also have James mooing on tape. I am ready to activate this implant already so I can get the full listening experience from the video. Aidan watched James in fascination. James left the building, and meanwhile Aidan walked up to a pig who started to nibble on his hand. I don't think Aidan liked that too much and was looking at his snotty looking hand in disdain. I couldn't believe he drew the line at slurping pigs on his fingers. We also took Aidan to the rabbit exhibit. *BIG EYEROLL* What did my son do?? Well first there was a big rabbit a lady was holding that Aidan started tugging on...hard. Said lady was not a happy camper. I moved him along to the next lady who was holding a gerbil, and my darling son snatched that gerbil right out of her hand and tossed the poor thing on the table. just. like. that. opps. Again, dirty look and I moved him along to the caged rabbits he, fortunately, couldn't touch. I was extremely grateful to James for taking Aidan with him for about 30 minutes and giving me the card to go shopping. I left with a new purse, wallet, turquoise/silver ring and bracelet. A totally fabulous reward for my hard work already that day. The last thing we did before we walked out of the rodeo was take him on his first pony ride. That was just really darned cool. I walked behind him filming it all only to find out it either wasn't on correctly or it was accidently deleted. Well, his proud papa stood on the side and made pictures every time Aidan came around. Aidan had no interest in posing and was completely engrossed in the pony experience. I guess with papa and mamarazzi like he has tailing him in public for almost two years, he's been forced to just tune us out in order to enjoy his life.
Tuesday, Aidan and I went on a long long walk. We walked to my father in law's house to say hello and feed the ducks, but they weren't home. Every time we walked past one of the manmade lakes on our walk over, Aidan threw a hissy fit to get out and feed his ducks. I turned around and went back to the park where we blew bubbles, played on the swings and slides (which I totally forgot to ask Dr. McReynolds about... as I'd read plastic slides and cochlear implants can be a lethal combination... well lethal for the CI... not me personally...) and then I followed his happy slappy self trotting off to the duck pond where we sat by the pond feeding the ducks. It was a classic Hallmark visit to our local park on a beautiful spring day... until that happy slappy little goofball jumped up and ran pellmell for the pond with me just one step behind him. The next thing I knew we were at the edge before I could reach him, and just as I grabbed him I lost my footing and *kerplunk* we both went flying in with the fishes, turtles and ducks (who all fled from us at this point.) I was stunned. Aidan was shellshocked. I stood there in my beautiful new tennis shoes up to my knees in water and holding my child who looked at me all sentimental, teary, and sputtering. Yes, there were other people there at a distance. I'm sure they had to have seen us, but they left us alone in that very awkward, uncomfortable, wet moment as we stood in the shallow pond water. If there was one saving grace it was that the water wasn't any deeper than it was. I had to grab a tree root to haul us up as the drop off to the pond is quite sudden with no slope to tread up on and out of the water easily, and I immediately put my dripping wet and unusually silent and still child in his stroller. Then I sloshed home about half a mile soaking wet with dirty knees silently steaming. When we got home I peeled off his stinky clothes and shoes at the front door and went directly to call James on the video phone with one of those "and let me tell you what YOUR child just did...." calls. The interpreter was amused. Aidan finally broke his silence sitting in the floor leaning against the doorway crying furiously. I brought him over to the phone and told him his daddy was on the phone... and instead of getting excited and saying "Daddy, Daddy..." like he usually does, he turned his lips down and whined "ducks, ducks..." like he was just terrorized by his experience. Sheesh. Daddy thought it was amusing too and had to throw in one of those told-you-so comments since Aidan has been trying to make a break for the pond for a year now, which has been why I rarely ever take him there anymore. He's just not normal...that child....
After that I got Aidan cleaned up for a night out at Chuck E. Cheese date with his dad since we hadn't been there since, oh... Sunday, a whole two days. I met my friend, Dannette and her husband for a 10:30 open captioned movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Awesome, profound, and touching movie. It was cool showing her my cochlear implant to be surgical scars and shaved head and catching up on their lives. They are moving to Austin this summer where she plans to teach deaf education pre-school next year hopefully at Texas School for the Deaf. Dannette was Miss Deaf Texas when I was Miss Deaf Tennessee, and we've been very close ever since we met at the Miss Deaf America Pageant in 1994. I also found out a mutual friend is also getting a cochlear implant next month, and I can't wait to catch up with her and see how everything works out with her too. After the movie I stopped at Walmart for a few things and darned if I didn't set off the alarms coming and going. This day was just getting better and better. The guy manning the door was just looking at me oddly and I had to explain the whole "I just had surgery and have a magnet in my head...see my scar..." thing.... blah. I hope that doesn't happen often. It hasn't happened at the other Walmart near me, and it is a more updated store. I'm guessing maybe the alarm system there is more advanced and sensitive than the one at the store where I set off the alarm. It really drove home the whole thing of having a computer in my head. Every day I can feel the magnet more and more clearly. It is just insane thinking there is a foriegn object implanted there that is going to change my life (and hopefully make the title of this blog become a reality as I really expect to hear "that"....lots and lots of this 'n' that.)
The next day I went to my doctor check up a whole day early, and there I thought I was running late. I really need to carry a calendar. Aidan made several friends in the waiting room playing with his trains, running and jumping around with a big grin on his face and dispensing hugs. He also enjoyed the car stickers and lollipop from the staff. Figures, it was the one day James couldn't take him at that time, and it wasn't even my day to be there. Needless to say there was no interpreter either being a whole day early. Dr. McReynolds was really cool about seeing me anyway and said everything looked great, and he'd come by for my first mapping to make sure everything looks good. I'm touched he is going the extra mile as he certainly doesn't have to be there. I really really like him. He also seems really impressed I still retain some residual hearing in my right ear. I actually wore both hearing aids to watch American Idol this week, but my implanted ear felt exhausted afterwards and the benefit from the hearing aid was minimal, but there was some.
After the doctor appointment, I took Aidan to McDonalds to play in the big play area for a couple of hours. He made a lot of insta-friends with the older kids. He also ventured all the way to the top of the maze TWICE with the help of some girls and this child is not yet even two... he's such a big brave boy. He was scared, but he kept going and even slid down the big loopy slide that starts at the ceiling and twists and turns several times on the way down. I held my breath and was so proud of him for trying it. He was really cute waving at me from waaaaaaay up top while looking a little frozen like..."oh *bleep*bleep* what have I done????" Meanwhile I was forced to eat our Big Mac solo since he was too busy playing. Well, I didn't want to waste it, you know. It was not my finest moment since going back on Weight Watchers in January.... I won't even mention the fries, Coke(s) or parfait... no need really.
Today we hung out at home. I'm incredibly sore and stiff from our long walk this week and tumble in the pond (and trips to Walmart, Kohls, and the rodeo didn't help either.) Aidan has an ugly cold... lots of sniffles, coughing, and tears. We've skipped the bloopers for the day and enjoyed about 5 different shows of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We also talked to my friend, Crissie in Tennessee on the video phone since she is out of work sick herself. Aidan LOVES talking to her and calling out to her cat, Tux. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up with Crissie live and in person this summer. Aidan already thinks he knows her well. He woke up from his nap asking to talk to her and ran to the office to see if she was still on the tv.... really cute.... It was a nice and much needed break from the daily hee-haws in our lives lately. ;-)
Where to start?? Last Saturday we took Aidan to the Houston Livestock and Rodeo. It is truly one of my favorite times of the year. I LOVE the rodeo. It was raining and the first day of spring break for all of Houston and the surrounding areas. We should've known it would be a zoo, literally, with a gazillion children in line for the petting zoo, pony rides, the cow barn, and even the exhibition areas with animals since the outside carnival was closed down. First we get there and go see the pigs. Aidan took off with James hot on his heels down the piggy lane... petting each pig for a hot second before taking off for the next. That child kills me. I have video of trying to keep up with him as I was pushing his stroller while he takes the occasional peek over his shoulder to see how close we are to catching up with him as he zigzags around the crowds. Then I took him to the petting zoo and he ran from goat to goat wrestling (again... literally) the poor things with his ferocious and maiming hugs. He ran up to a big ole llama and stuck his hand in its eyes and mouth.... then he pulled on the ears of a litter of tiny baby goats. I got more than one dirty look zipping behind him with the Flip camera while pulling him back from loving on the animals so intensely. We also took him through the barn where there were all kinds of big cows and bulls/steers, and a variety of goats and pigs. His dad thinks he is reliving his 4-H days by showing us how he can moo to a cow and get the cow to moo back. See, it's not me Aidan gets all the weirdness from, people! (His dad once raised a pig only to find out it was underweight before competition. PETA would probably love to know he bloated his pig up on water from a hose so he'd qualify to compete and eventually even place...) I also have James mooing on tape. I am ready to activate this implant already so I can get the full listening experience from the video. Aidan watched James in fascination. James left the building, and meanwhile Aidan walked up to a pig who started to nibble on his hand. I don't think Aidan liked that too much and was looking at his snotty looking hand in disdain. I couldn't believe he drew the line at slurping pigs on his fingers. We also took Aidan to the rabbit exhibit. *BIG EYEROLL* What did my son do?? Well first there was a big rabbit a lady was holding that Aidan started tugging on...hard. Said lady was not a happy camper. I moved him along to the next lady who was holding a gerbil, and my darling son snatched that gerbil right out of her hand and tossed the poor thing on the table. just. like. that. opps. Again, dirty look and I moved him along to the caged rabbits he, fortunately, couldn't touch. I was extremely grateful to James for taking Aidan with him for about 30 minutes and giving me the card to go shopping. I left with a new purse, wallet, turquoise/silver ring and bracelet. A totally fabulous reward for my hard work already that day. The last thing we did before we walked out of the rodeo was take him on his first pony ride. That was just really darned cool. I walked behind him filming it all only to find out it either wasn't on correctly or it was accidently deleted. Well, his proud papa stood on the side and made pictures every time Aidan came around. Aidan had no interest in posing and was completely engrossed in the pony experience. I guess with papa and mamarazzi like he has tailing him in public for almost two years, he's been forced to just tune us out in order to enjoy his life.
Tuesday, Aidan and I went on a long long walk. We walked to my father in law's house to say hello and feed the ducks, but they weren't home. Every time we walked past one of the manmade lakes on our walk over, Aidan threw a hissy fit to get out and feed his ducks. I turned around and went back to the park where we blew bubbles, played on the swings and slides (which I totally forgot to ask Dr. McReynolds about... as I'd read plastic slides and cochlear implants can be a lethal combination... well lethal for the CI... not me personally...) and then I followed his happy slappy self trotting off to the duck pond where we sat by the pond feeding the ducks. It was a classic Hallmark visit to our local park on a beautiful spring day... until that happy slappy little goofball jumped up and ran pellmell for the pond with me just one step behind him. The next thing I knew we were at the edge before I could reach him, and just as I grabbed him I lost my footing and *kerplunk* we both went flying in with the fishes, turtles and ducks (who all fled from us at this point.) I was stunned. Aidan was shellshocked. I stood there in my beautiful new tennis shoes up to my knees in water and holding my child who looked at me all sentimental, teary, and sputtering. Yes, there were other people there at a distance. I'm sure they had to have seen us, but they left us alone in that very awkward, uncomfortable, wet moment as we stood in the shallow pond water. If there was one saving grace it was that the water wasn't any deeper than it was. I had to grab a tree root to haul us up as the drop off to the pond is quite sudden with no slope to tread up on and out of the water easily, and I immediately put my dripping wet and unusually silent and still child in his stroller. Then I sloshed home about half a mile soaking wet with dirty knees silently steaming. When we got home I peeled off his stinky clothes and shoes at the front door and went directly to call James on the video phone with one of those "and let me tell you what YOUR child just did...." calls. The interpreter was amused. Aidan finally broke his silence sitting in the floor leaning against the doorway crying furiously. I brought him over to the phone and told him his daddy was on the phone... and instead of getting excited and saying "Daddy, Daddy..." like he usually does, he turned his lips down and whined "ducks, ducks..." like he was just terrorized by his experience. Sheesh. Daddy thought it was amusing too and had to throw in one of those told-you-so comments since Aidan has been trying to make a break for the pond for a year now, which has been why I rarely ever take him there anymore. He's just not normal...that child....
After that I got Aidan cleaned up for a night out at Chuck E. Cheese date with his dad since we hadn't been there since, oh... Sunday, a whole two days. I met my friend, Dannette and her husband for a 10:30 open captioned movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Awesome, profound, and touching movie. It was cool showing her my cochlear implant to be surgical scars and shaved head and catching up on their lives. They are moving to Austin this summer where she plans to teach deaf education pre-school next year hopefully at Texas School for the Deaf. Dannette was Miss Deaf Texas when I was Miss Deaf Tennessee, and we've been very close ever since we met at the Miss Deaf America Pageant in 1994. I also found out a mutual friend is also getting a cochlear implant next month, and I can't wait to catch up with her and see how everything works out with her too. After the movie I stopped at Walmart for a few things and darned if I didn't set off the alarms coming and going. This day was just getting better and better. The guy manning the door was just looking at me oddly and I had to explain the whole "I just had surgery and have a magnet in my head...see my scar..." thing.... blah. I hope that doesn't happen often. It hasn't happened at the other Walmart near me, and it is a more updated store. I'm guessing maybe the alarm system there is more advanced and sensitive than the one at the store where I set off the alarm. It really drove home the whole thing of having a computer in my head. Every day I can feel the magnet more and more clearly. It is just insane thinking there is a foriegn object implanted there that is going to change my life (and hopefully make the title of this blog become a reality as I really expect to hear "that"....lots and lots of this 'n' that.)
The next day I went to my doctor check up a whole day early, and there I thought I was running late. I really need to carry a calendar. Aidan made several friends in the waiting room playing with his trains, running and jumping around with a big grin on his face and dispensing hugs. He also enjoyed the car stickers and lollipop from the staff. Figures, it was the one day James couldn't take him at that time, and it wasn't even my day to be there. Needless to say there was no interpreter either being a whole day early. Dr. McReynolds was really cool about seeing me anyway and said everything looked great, and he'd come by for my first mapping to make sure everything looks good. I'm touched he is going the extra mile as he certainly doesn't have to be there. I really really like him. He also seems really impressed I still retain some residual hearing in my right ear. I actually wore both hearing aids to watch American Idol this week, but my implanted ear felt exhausted afterwards and the benefit from the hearing aid was minimal, but there was some.
After the doctor appointment, I took Aidan to McDonalds to play in the big play area for a couple of hours. He made a lot of insta-friends with the older kids. He also ventured all the way to the top of the maze TWICE with the help of some girls and this child is not yet even two... he's such a big brave boy. He was scared, but he kept going and even slid down the big loopy slide that starts at the ceiling and twists and turns several times on the way down. I held my breath and was so proud of him for trying it. He was really cute waving at me from waaaaaaay up top while looking a little frozen like..."oh *bleep*bleep* what have I done????" Meanwhile I was forced to eat our Big Mac solo since he was too busy playing. Well, I didn't want to waste it, you know. It was not my finest moment since going back on Weight Watchers in January.... I won't even mention the fries, Coke(s) or parfait... no need really.
Today we hung out at home. I'm incredibly sore and stiff from our long walk this week and tumble in the pond (and trips to Walmart, Kohls, and the rodeo didn't help either.) Aidan has an ugly cold... lots of sniffles, coughing, and tears. We've skipped the bloopers for the day and enjoyed about 5 different shows of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We also talked to my friend, Crissie in Tennessee on the video phone since she is out of work sick herself. Aidan LOVES talking to her and calling out to her cat, Tux. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up with Crissie live and in person this summer. Aidan already thinks he knows her well. He woke up from his nap asking to talk to her and ran to the office to see if she was still on the tv.... really cute.... It was a nice and much needed break from the daily hee-haws in our lives lately. ;-)
Monday, March 2, 2009
My Story
Forty-eight hours from now, I will have been implanted with the Nucleus Freedom Cochlear Implant. It's surreal to me. It's taken me three years to go through the approval process, and once it was given, everything seems to be snowballing rapidly.
I've had a severe to profound hearing loss for most of my life. My hearing loss was noticed by my family when I was three after I had been through a particularly rough winter with childhood illnesses and frequent high fevers. My mother also had rubella while she was pregnant with me. My hearing loss has always been defined as "unknown" since there have been different possible factors that could have played a role.
I was fitted with my first hearing aids when I was 5, and I still have a vague memory of hearing sounds and speech well right off the bat. I was so excited! However, the summer before I was due to start kindergarten my mom was told I'd have to go to a deaf school which would involve me leaving home at five! She didn't find that option acceptable for us and worked very hard with me at home everyday that summer, in addition to the time I spent in speech therapy each week at the Chattanooga Speech and Hearing Center, to prove I was ready for public school admission. In the fall when I was tested again my IQ jumped up 20 points, (so much for the concept of an IQ test not being something that someone can study for, right?!) and I had no problem being accepted in the public school system where I don't remember being much different than anyone else in the earlier years.
As I got older and my hearing loss became progressively worse, I started struggling to understand what was going on in the classroom. However, I rarely struggled with language or reading skills. Those were my forte thanks to the many hours and days my mother devoted working with me one on one and reading stories to me. She was an English teacher who often took those with challenges under her wing. I still get emails from her students sharing their memories 22 years after she passed away, and I'm sure I was the one most blessed by the difference she made in my life.
Junior high was a nightmare for me. I could not fit in to save my life, but my hearing loss had so much to do with that. I was so embarrassed by it. One year I was the wrestling team manager, and I refused to even wear my glasses in front of the guys. I was Helen Keller with a score board, and Coach McClure was kind enough to ignore the fact that my score was never remotely close to what the other manager would have on his board. Coach McClure is my cousins' uncle and my brother's former coach, so I think he was just letting me have my fun, but that was the only year I was the manager. Come to think of it, he even gave me a letter for managing I know I didn't deserve, but he didn't ask me to come back, and I didn't even try to suggest it.
I didn't really know anyone else like me, and kids can just be tough when someone is different. The harder I tried to hide my hearing loss, the more gawky and out of place I'd be. My parents were concerned and thought I might benefit from going to a deaf summer camp. I went very reluctantly, but I thrived that first year. I started learning sign language. Boys liked me, a lot of boys! The attention totally went to my head. I excelled at sports at camp and brought home quite a few first place blue ribbons from different team competitions. I made a girl friend was new to the scene herself (raised oral but was also beginning to learn sign language through immersion at camp.) I went to this summer camp for several summers, and it made a huge difference in my self confidence which I sorely needed.
When I started high school, I bloomed. I still hid my hearing loss, but it was different. I think having my mom around the corner did wonders for me. She was a popular, well-loved teacher, so I had no shame riding her coat tails. My brother graduated the year before I started high school, and there was no shame in my game in riding the crest of his success as an athlete and well liked guy either.
I eventually felt like my own person, but darned if I still couldn't talk about my hearing loss. I ran track with my hair down in hot weather so as not to show my hearing aids. I even had a boyfriend my junior year that would call me on the phone at home. Every time I couldn't understand him, I changed the subject, which was like every other sentence. Our conversationos were exhausting. He was extremely polite and didn't call me on my insanity. I don't think we ever discussed my hearing loss that spring we dated. The most annoying part is that I had volume control on the phone, and my mother (who was his teacher) would feel free to participate in our calls from across the kitchen while she made dinner.
My mother died when I was a senior in high school. That same year my dad showed me a story in the newspaper about a girl who won Miss Deaf Tennessee. That just blew my mind that being hearing impaired could be an awesome thing. I think that article had a lot to do with my definite decision to teach deaf kids one day. It also made me start thinking beyond losing my mom and actually think about the future. It was also the beginning for me to let my guard down about my hearing loss because what's more glamorous than a shiny tiara, right??? That girl that won the pageant? She's one of my closest friends today and has been for MANY years. (Hi Crissie!)
My audiologists pretty much promised me as a kid that I wouldn't become deaf. I grew up thinking of myself as hearing impaired/hard of hearing, until one day in college I took a closer look at my audiogram and asked my audiologist what I already knew. I asked if I had become deaf since my loss was at 90 decibels at this point. I was a special education major, and I had just read something not long before in one of my textbooks about deafness being a loss of 90 decibels and higher. He said yes, but oddly I was relieved that being deaf wasn't the sheer silence or stigma I was afraid it would be, and I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about becoming deaf anymore because I'd finally arrived, and somehow it was kind of cooler to say I was deaf than hard-of-hearing.
I could still use my hearing aids at the time to talk on the phone (the poor people on the other end that had to speak slowly and repeat themselves often...) I had some basic signing skills I'd learned from deaf friends and college classes, but I didn't have an interpreter for classes. I rarely paid attention in class and was bored silly most of the time. I'd study at the last minute absorbing everything in the textbooks and hoping the professors didn't add anything that wasn't in there. Once I had to explain how I'd written a paper to a professor because he didn't teach what I'd used and I went way beyond what was required (thanks to not being able to lipread a man with a beard and no effort on my part to clarify the assignment in the first place), and he was sure I'd cheated. I didn't know whether to be flattered or ticked off... I was a little of both, and I sat down and pointed out all my references from the text I'd used. He was impressed, and I felt justified but annoyed.
Surprisingly, I felt truly liberated once I knew I was technically classified as "deaf". Perhaps part of that was the freedom of being in college as well. I loved my ASL classes, and I felt pretty special being the only one in the class besides the teacher who was deaf. For the first time I had a lot to say, and I didn't hold back. I embraced my deafness. I became involved in the deaf community, made new friends, competed in local deaf pageants, and went to community deaf shin-digs and just had fun getting to know a new world.
I represented Tennessee at The Miss Deaf America Pageant. That was extremely tough though. I struggled so much with understanding the language at the time (receptive and expressive) that I just didn't stand a chance at the national level in the interview portion. One of the on stage questions was something like "...and how would you feel if a doctor said he could cure your deafness?" which was a reference to cochlear implants. The PC answer was of course "..there's nothing wrong with me... I don't need to be healed... Deaf pride!" I remember thinking what a relief it was that I didn't make the top ten and have to answer that because I wasn't very PC. I probably would've been lost anyway and said...."my favorite childhood pet was a shaggy dog I named Benji..."
I graduated in special education and became a deaf education teacher. My signing skills have improved tremendously since my deaf pageant days, although I am not so presumptuous to consider myself overly fluent. I'm still learning. However, I can't make a phone call without my video phone where an interpreter is on the screen signing what the other person is saying. It has changed my life though, and I love using the phone again. I can also call my two favorite deaf girlfriends, Crissie and Dannette, and talk directly to them. They get to see my son, our cats, and my husband will jump in once and a while to say hi. I also get to say hi to their husbands and my son loves seeing their pets. Dannette even showed me the color they were painting their walls the other day. I can't imagine being able to use a phone now without captions or an interpreter available. I have no idea how much a cochlear implant might improve my auditory skills on the phone.
Three years ago, I applied to get a cochlear implant. While waiting for approval, I became pregnant, had Aidan, and now he is almost two! I've wrestled my feelings on the subject for a long time. The deaf community used to take a firm stance against cochlear implants. While they are not embracing the idea now, they are much more open-minded on the issue than they once were. I was once on board with their viewpoint thinking an implant wasn't for me, but as I got older I realized I really wanted to hear as much as I can. My son is talking, and I don't want to miss a word.
So, this is the beginning. On Wednesday I will be implanted. My hair will be slightly shaved. All the residual hearing in my right ear will be destroyed (not that there's much left, but there is a mourning process in losing it.) I will be activated a month after surgery. I'm excited and anxious at the same time, but I feel blessed to be on this journey.
I've had a severe to profound hearing loss for most of my life. My hearing loss was noticed by my family when I was three after I had been through a particularly rough winter with childhood illnesses and frequent high fevers. My mother also had rubella while she was pregnant with me. My hearing loss has always been defined as "unknown" since there have been different possible factors that could have played a role.
I was fitted with my first hearing aids when I was 5, and I still have a vague memory of hearing sounds and speech well right off the bat. I was so excited! However, the summer before I was due to start kindergarten my mom was told I'd have to go to a deaf school which would involve me leaving home at five! She didn't find that option acceptable for us and worked very hard with me at home everyday that summer, in addition to the time I spent in speech therapy each week at the Chattanooga Speech and Hearing Center, to prove I was ready for public school admission. In the fall when I was tested again my IQ jumped up 20 points, (so much for the concept of an IQ test not being something that someone can study for, right?!) and I had no problem being accepted in the public school system where I don't remember being much different than anyone else in the earlier years.
As I got older and my hearing loss became progressively worse, I started struggling to understand what was going on in the classroom. However, I rarely struggled with language or reading skills. Those were my forte thanks to the many hours and days my mother devoted working with me one on one and reading stories to me. She was an English teacher who often took those with challenges under her wing. I still get emails from her students sharing their memories 22 years after she passed away, and I'm sure I was the one most blessed by the difference she made in my life.
Junior high was a nightmare for me. I could not fit in to save my life, but my hearing loss had so much to do with that. I was so embarrassed by it. One year I was the wrestling team manager, and I refused to even wear my glasses in front of the guys. I was Helen Keller with a score board, and Coach McClure was kind enough to ignore the fact that my score was never remotely close to what the other manager would have on his board. Coach McClure is my cousins' uncle and my brother's former coach, so I think he was just letting me have my fun, but that was the only year I was the manager. Come to think of it, he even gave me a letter for managing I know I didn't deserve, but he didn't ask me to come back, and I didn't even try to suggest it.
I didn't really know anyone else like me, and kids can just be tough when someone is different. The harder I tried to hide my hearing loss, the more gawky and out of place I'd be. My parents were concerned and thought I might benefit from going to a deaf summer camp. I went very reluctantly, but I thrived that first year. I started learning sign language. Boys liked me, a lot of boys! The attention totally went to my head. I excelled at sports at camp and brought home quite a few first place blue ribbons from different team competitions. I made a girl friend was new to the scene herself (raised oral but was also beginning to learn sign language through immersion at camp.) I went to this summer camp for several summers, and it made a huge difference in my self confidence which I sorely needed.
When I started high school, I bloomed. I still hid my hearing loss, but it was different. I think having my mom around the corner did wonders for me. She was a popular, well-loved teacher, so I had no shame riding her coat tails. My brother graduated the year before I started high school, and there was no shame in my game in riding the crest of his success as an athlete and well liked guy either.
I eventually felt like my own person, but darned if I still couldn't talk about my hearing loss. I ran track with my hair down in hot weather so as not to show my hearing aids. I even had a boyfriend my junior year that would call me on the phone at home. Every time I couldn't understand him, I changed the subject, which was like every other sentence. Our conversationos were exhausting. He was extremely polite and didn't call me on my insanity. I don't think we ever discussed my hearing loss that spring we dated. The most annoying part is that I had volume control on the phone, and my mother (who was his teacher) would feel free to participate in our calls from across the kitchen while she made dinner.
My mother died when I was a senior in high school. That same year my dad showed me a story in the newspaper about a girl who won Miss Deaf Tennessee. That just blew my mind that being hearing impaired could be an awesome thing. I think that article had a lot to do with my definite decision to teach deaf kids one day. It also made me start thinking beyond losing my mom and actually think about the future. It was also the beginning for me to let my guard down about my hearing loss because what's more glamorous than a shiny tiara, right??? That girl that won the pageant? She's one of my closest friends today and has been for MANY years. (Hi Crissie!)
My audiologists pretty much promised me as a kid that I wouldn't become deaf. I grew up thinking of myself as hearing impaired/hard of hearing, until one day in college I took a closer look at my audiogram and asked my audiologist what I already knew. I asked if I had become deaf since my loss was at 90 decibels at this point. I was a special education major, and I had just read something not long before in one of my textbooks about deafness being a loss of 90 decibels and higher. He said yes, but oddly I was relieved that being deaf wasn't the sheer silence or stigma I was afraid it would be, and I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about becoming deaf anymore because I'd finally arrived, and somehow it was kind of cooler to say I was deaf than hard-of-hearing.
I could still use my hearing aids at the time to talk on the phone (the poor people on the other end that had to speak slowly and repeat themselves often...) I had some basic signing skills I'd learned from deaf friends and college classes, but I didn't have an interpreter for classes. I rarely paid attention in class and was bored silly most of the time. I'd study at the last minute absorbing everything in the textbooks and hoping the professors didn't add anything that wasn't in there. Once I had to explain how I'd written a paper to a professor because he didn't teach what I'd used and I went way beyond what was required (thanks to not being able to lipread a man with a beard and no effort on my part to clarify the assignment in the first place), and he was sure I'd cheated. I didn't know whether to be flattered or ticked off... I was a little of both, and I sat down and pointed out all my references from the text I'd used. He was impressed, and I felt justified but annoyed.
Surprisingly, I felt truly liberated once I knew I was technically classified as "deaf". Perhaps part of that was the freedom of being in college as well. I loved my ASL classes, and I felt pretty special being the only one in the class besides the teacher who was deaf. For the first time I had a lot to say, and I didn't hold back. I embraced my deafness. I became involved in the deaf community, made new friends, competed in local deaf pageants, and went to community deaf shin-digs and just had fun getting to know a new world.
I represented Tennessee at The Miss Deaf America Pageant. That was extremely tough though. I struggled so much with understanding the language at the time (receptive and expressive) that I just didn't stand a chance at the national level in the interview portion. One of the on stage questions was something like "...and how would you feel if a doctor said he could cure your deafness?" which was a reference to cochlear implants. The PC answer was of course "..there's nothing wrong with me... I don't need to be healed... Deaf pride!" I remember thinking what a relief it was that I didn't make the top ten and have to answer that because I wasn't very PC. I probably would've been lost anyway and said...."my favorite childhood pet was a shaggy dog I named Benji..."
I graduated in special education and became a deaf education teacher. My signing skills have improved tremendously since my deaf pageant days, although I am not so presumptuous to consider myself overly fluent. I'm still learning. However, I can't make a phone call without my video phone where an interpreter is on the screen signing what the other person is saying. It has changed my life though, and I love using the phone again. I can also call my two favorite deaf girlfriends, Crissie and Dannette, and talk directly to them. They get to see my son, our cats, and my husband will jump in once and a while to say hi. I also get to say hi to their husbands and my son loves seeing their pets. Dannette even showed me the color they were painting their walls the other day. I can't imagine being able to use a phone now without captions or an interpreter available. I have no idea how much a cochlear implant might improve my auditory skills on the phone.
Three years ago, I applied to get a cochlear implant. While waiting for approval, I became pregnant, had Aidan, and now he is almost two! I've wrestled my feelings on the subject for a long time. The deaf community used to take a firm stance against cochlear implants. While they are not embracing the idea now, they are much more open-minded on the issue than they once were. I was once on board with their viewpoint thinking an implant wasn't for me, but as I got older I realized I really wanted to hear as much as I can. My son is talking, and I don't want to miss a word.
So, this is the beginning. On Wednesday I will be implanted. My hair will be slightly shaved. All the residual hearing in my right ear will be destroyed (not that there's much left, but there is a mourning process in losing it.) I will be activated a month after surgery. I'm excited and anxious at the same time, but I feel blessed to be on this journey.
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