Drip Drip!

It was a dark and rainy night. No scratch that.... It was a dark and rainy afternoon. The kind where an almost two year old valiantly fought an afternoon nap in the next room, passing prison time slowly pulling out each individual sheet of the big jumbo pack of new wipes accidentally left in his crib (when he realized that all other antics for freedom had failed.) The cats curled up under the desk snoozing away, while I escaped the morning madness that is Mickey Mouse and choo choo trains by spending some time online. When lo and behold, what noise was that yonder invading my right ear space? No, it wasn't the rat-a-tat-tat-tat of the computer keys that I'm getting used to lately. This was different. This is *peering out window to confirm*... yes, this is the sound of raindrops on the roof. Holy cow. Awesome! This is a sound I can say with absolute certainty, I can only hear in the bionic ear when I'm inside the house.

Well, crazy times like this call for venturing to the back door and standing by the rain to listen...(I'm not feeling it enough to actually stand in it and spin around, holding daisies, while my hair is drenched cover girl style from the rain.) I can easily hear it with both ears, but it is such a different sound with each one one. With the hearing aid it has more of a calming roar. With the implant, it sounded more like a pattern with a constant drip drip sound. I think I need to go back to the door and take more notes.

Also that child in the next room had an early release and needs some monitoring (and NOT for good behavior... the warden just couldn't take it anymore!)

I've Got Ears, Say Cheers!

I'm just past two weeks since the first mapping, and slowly but surely, things are starting to look up! Last night James and I took Aidan to see Disney on Ice at Reliant Stadium in Houston. Aidan loves Mickey Mouse and all of his friends, so we knew that would be so much fun to watch the magic for the first time through his eyes. Meanwhile the show was very loud on my new "ear", but the noise didn't bother me any more than it normally would have in the pre-CI days. I had the setting on the next to loudest program (P3), but I thought it was at the highest at the time(P4), which is where I normally wear it during the day now.

I couldn't help but think how, even though the show is very visual, there is also a story being told and music playing that would require hearing to appreciate. Younger children with hearing loss will miss out on some of the excitement because of that unless Disney makes some accommodations I don't know about? I did wish I could follow along a little better last night, but I was so taken in by Aidan's pure joy with all things Disney, it was quickly forgotten.

Aidan loved the show and was spellbound with skating fish and lobster, the vibrant lighting and sound effects, and especially the Mickey and co. sightings between the acts. He was so calm and well behaved all the way through intermission. (Wow, have I ever said Aidan, calm, and well-behaved all in the same sentence before?) He sat on his dad's lap for a while and then reached out and asked for me. Awww... coming from his royal wildness, that was a special treat, and I enjoyed every last snuggly minute!

We let him burn some energy during intermission, and meanwhile, I loaded up on cokes, popcorn and cotton candy that came with the absolute must have item of the night, a yellow fish hat. (Mind you, we'd already had a cheeseburger, fries and a snowball in a fish mug.) The second half of the show started feeling a bit long for an almost two year old that was stuffing fistfuls of cotton candy in his mouth as fast as he could pull it out of the bag. He became somewhat restless and antsy, and I could finally show James, with absolutely no doubt, that late night sugar for our kiddo will create a monster. Of course I bought said sugar that created said monster, but did I mention we saw Mickey Mouse live and in person???

On the way home James had to make a quick stop to pick up his truck at work, so I waited in the car for a few minutes. Aidan was out for the count in his car seat. I decided to listen to a CD with my processor minus my hearing aid. The CD is one of Faith Hill's older CDs that I had years ago. I just bought it at Half Priced Books since I had several songs memorized I could use for listening practice. I was surprised to listen to Breathe and actually separate her voice from the music. It wasn't crystal clear, but it was something new. I could easily follow along with the song knowing it so well, but I couldn't have done that with my processor alone two weeks ago.

When we drove home, I continued to listen to the CD. This time I had the car engine running and my hearing aid on in my left ear. All the same, I noticed something big, something different I hadn't connected with before that moment. The "noise" in my right ear had become the high frequencies of the song I was listening to and it sounded like a (hold it....are you ready for this... wait...just wait...) PLEASANT (yes, I said pleasant!!!) tinkling of music that matched what I was hearing in my left ear. The two sounds were like matching bubble gum pink to fuchsia, definitely in the same family but oh so different. I can't hear what I'm hearing in my right ear with the implant on the left side with my hearing aid, but at the same time my implant has a long way to go before it catches up to what I can do with a hearing aid. (Why do I feel like I need to explain this, like I'm having an affair with my right ear and cheating on my left ear?)

Since last night I've heard music on the television in passing with the high frequency tinkling in my right ear that matched what I was hearing on the left side in the lower frequencies. Muy cool! Also, I've noticed almost overnight that speech on television is becoming more clear to me. Aidan and I watched Babe this afternoon, and I took off my hearing aid to listen for a few minutes. Words sounded like they were echoing, yet with the captions on I could easily match what I was reading to what I was hearing.... easily. Whew. Slowly but surely. This is definitely better than I had hoped for even a week ago at this point. I'm looking forward to my next mapping!

A Little Lost on Easter Sunday

Today, my husband, son, and I went to Easter service at Houston Second Baptist in Katy. I was so excited about getting everyone dressed up, out the door, dropped off (although I felt so bad that Aidan boo-hooed buckets as we left him in the nursery) and to the service on time. What I was not expecting to find is that the service is no longer interpreted in sign language. The Spanish interpretation is still there, but where did the deaf crowd go? I admit that I teared up when I asked where the interpreters were and was told by a very nice man, who looked so disappointed to be the one to tell me, that sign language interpreting wasn't available for that service anymore. What the heck? I kind of felt like, in the moment, I was being tested to see if I could take the news on such a wonderful Holy day like a champ. Of course that made it worse because I was quickly wiping the tears as we sat down. Debby Downer arrives to the pews in a timely manner. *sigh*

I was really bummed at first, but then I thought maybe I could use the time to practice my listening skills. I knew I wouldn't understand much but every little bit of practice helps. Really, all there was to do was to make lemonade out of lemons at this point. James was obviously feeling bad for me, and I felt bad that he felt bad. I am too much of a novice with my implant to say I got a lot out of the service, but the songs from today were ones I've known for years. I miss my grandmother, especially at Easter, and the hymns were comforting and familiar and made me feel nostalgic for another time.

Before the service started after the singing, the room went dark, and there were loud booms, which were special effects that sounded like thunder (I'm pretty sure that is what it was supposed to be) and a narrative that unfolded around the story of Jesus' resurrection. Also, the main points were displayed in writing on the screens. It was very much like briefly being in a theater for an action movie with the compelling voice narrating (all I can tell you is that it was a deep male voice, but I would've known that with just my hearing aid) and loud theatrical sound effects.

The service was too complicated for me to follow. I could only catch a few words or phrases here and there as Dr. Young worked the stage. This was his televised sermon, and the cameras surround the stage, so he can pretty much move all over the stage, and he did. We sat behind the orchestra and had an up close view of all the frenzied, exciting action that goes on in the pit. There are also a lot of overhead television screens at Second Baptist that show the service as it is taking place and also includes the verses being read or the songs being sang which is really cool for someone that needs a little visual information.

After the service we made our way back to the nursery. Aidan was in a class solely for May 2007 babies. You know it's a big church when his class is only for 23 month old kiddos! I wonder if they celebrate all the birthdays in May? Aidan had some artwork for us, which included a butterfly and a cross he'd "colored" for us. I was already mentally deciding where on the fridge I was going to place them and what was going to have to go to make room for them. He was very happy to see us, and of course we were thrilled to see him. Have I mentioned how much I love my little angel with his lopsided halo?

We went out to eat at Red Lobster after church. At this point Aidan was tired (read: hyperactive, kicking, just a real pleasure. ;-) We knew it was a lost cause when the crackers were tossed all over the floor and table, and he was upset he was not allowed to "play" (throw, toss, hail Mary) with the (breakable) bread plates. James was still a little uncomfortable from the family picture a waitress took for us because Aidan chose that moment to kick his dad in the unmentionables as I held him. I must say as horrible as I felt for James, the picture itself is classic, a lovely blooper caught on camera to remember for years to come. Yes, I must figure out how to post the picture, which includes James' stunned "I've been maimed" expression, while Aidan completely turned his head away from the camera. We called it a day and took our lunches to go.

Maybe next year Aidan will make it through church and lunch. Last year his grandfather preached his last Easter service before retiring, and I had to take chatty Aidan outside for the service (small church and no nursery) but we made it through dinner at Luby's with the family afterwards. As for this year, we all went home, watched a little Micky Mouse, had lunch and took naps. Actually, I waited until James and Aidan were both asleep to break out my crab legs and shrimp while watching a DVRed episode of General Hospital from last week....THEN I took a nap... not too shabby! When all was said and done, I think I preferred my couch for lunch today.

Anyway, I really do hope we can find a Baptist or non-denominational church in Houston that we really like as a family (and is not such a long drive) and has interpreted services. There's a deaf church in Houston, but it's about thirty minutes or more from our house. I'd like to find something closer to our community so we can be more involved than just for a Sunday visit. I also hope God will forgive me for my gloomy mood earlier today because my life has been extremely blessed, even when things don't go as planned once in a while. Today is really about the ultimate gift God gave us. Everything else is secondary.

Hope you all had most fabulous Easter! :)

Super Crazy Day with Some Super Fabulous Surprises Along the Way

Yesterday was an amazingly eventful day from start to finish. First thing in the morning, Aidan and I were off to see his ENT doctor at Texas Children's Hospital for another ear infection in this crazy cycle of chronic infections. He doesn't get inner ear infections. He gets them in the outer ear. He's prone to infections from mere contact with soap and water (and probably has a lot to do with his tiny ear canals.... so hopefully he'll outgrow this soon.) Aidan wears some super funky blue and green striped ear molds every night when he takes a bath to prevent the infections from returning. *sigh*

So back we went back to Texas Children's Hospital to get this darned infection under control again, and Aidan had a wonderful time in the lobby with all the fish in aquariums (both the fake fish in the tall plastic tubes with bubbles that float up and down, as well as the more elaborate and bigger aquarium with all the real colorful fish.) He likes to run around pointing to said fish, the fakers and the real deal, and repeatedly announce "Fish, Fish, Fish!!" to anyone, child or adult, that will look or listen. He's extremely loud and animated, so any of the hard of hearing or deaf kids hanging out nearby in the lobby probably got the gist of his simple but passionate message.

Unfortunately, someone will always come out eventually to claim Aidan, and then the meltdown starts. As soon as we go through the doors to the first room where he is weighed and checked in by a nurse, he loses it. The ENT visits in the past have been very traumatic for him with all the poking and prodding, to the point that a haircut or a visit to my doctor (yes, for me) can trigger the mother of all psychotic meltdowns. A little off topic here, but when do I ever have just one topic anyway??? He weighs 33 pounds now. I know he's pushing 3 feet tall, if he's not there already. We'll have his 2 year visit in the next few weeks (another meltdown in the making) and will get his new stats then. Someone actually asked me if he was 3 or 4 yesterday!

Finally, we headed to the next room to wait for the doctor and oy... I don't think a deaf person on that floor could have missed the vibrations of his sobbing and wailing when he saw THAT room. Poor baby (and mommy... I have to say it... :) There was a carnival type mirror in there for the pint-sized, and I made a picture of him standing in front of it looking at himself crying. I should be ashamed for saying this, but it is truly a hilarious picture of his over sized head on his tiny body thanks to the distortion of the mirror with his squished up face and tears. After I had my fun, we found a few books laying around and read stories calmly until the nurse and doctor came in and had to clean out his ears. I was his human swaddle...what a workout, but it sure beat wrapping him up and laying him down on a table when I couldn't do anything for him. It was over pretty quickly, and Aidan was overjoyed to tell the doctor "bye bye" (which is Aidan speak for "now get away from me already, lady. I am outta this joint.") Of course she found him cute and cooed back at the sweet child telling him bye bye too. We left with 4 prescriptions of ear drops, so I think I can get him through any more flare-ups in the future until, hopefully, they are all behind us. Thank goodness.

After that, we headed for a really busy Chick-Fil-A where I knew for certain a little someone would be over the moon when he saw the play area. After we had lunch, we wandered back there, and it was one of those sky high play centers with mazes and tunnels and what-not. However, it was not very wide on the ground with options low to earth for the tiny tot crowd.

Aidan struggles to keep up with the big kids when we are out at these play areas. He loves their energy, and frankly most of the kiddos his age tend to get run over by his exuberance if he's not watched carefully. On the other hand, older boys make me nervous around him when they get too wild, but I love the older girls. They just love doting on him and helping him climb and play. Aidan thinks every kid is his new best friend, and that just warms those little girls' hearts wherever we go.

Aidan enjoyed making do with climbing the bottom of the slide, and working his way through the little maze that goes straight up to the big stuff, but he didn't go high at all...nothing crazy and mostly age appropriate play. I finally told Aidan we had to go and the next thing I know he scampered up to the top of that sucker.... I mean non-stop climbing... go, go, go.... Whoa. Not cool, kiddo.... After all this time, now he decides to be Spidey Jr. and take off like a big boy running from his mama who is more than ready to leave. Why did he have to choose then to be so "normal"? So, so not cool... especially when I had to climb to the top of Space Mountain (seriously this sucker was so freaking tall) wiggling like an inch worm in small confined spaces back and forth just to get up to the top. I actually asked some lady I didn't know to watch my purse so I could tag after him because he was completely out of my sight and not coming out. I've have only had to chase him once before, but this really called for an intervention.

Once I got to the top and was swarmed by pint-sized pipsqueaks maneuvering around me, I still couldn't quite get to Aidan who was gleefully skipping off to other parts. (Nothing like seeing mama to give him an even extra dose of confidence up there, which was so not my plan.) I finally asked an older girl, who'd been pointing out which tunnel he was playing in so I could try to keep up with him from the ground, if she'd go down the big crazy slide with him. She obliged and I wiggled down the bottom again feeling like a big over sized dork. As soon as he came through that slide with a big grin plastered on his face, I nabbed him. Of course there was a little drama that ensued, but we did finally escape with minimal tears. What a relief!

After our Chick-Fil-A outing, I had an appointment at the audiologist's office to discuss all the problems I was having last week. I was soooooooooo blessed to get someone new that I absolutely hit it off with, and even more fortunate that my friend, Shelly (God bless her!!) showed up to entertain Aidan while I was back there. I had a great interpreter, Randy, who had never been to a mapping before so he was fascinated as well. Michelle, my new audiologist (and yes, she is taking over my case!!!) and I did a lot of in depth talking. I asked for a kick in the bass... (*giggling*... it's okay, doesn't rhyme, people!) I left with 4 new mapping programs based on what *I* wanted. Also, at one point before we started, she asked me if I'd like to meet someone there that was MUCH like me hearing-wise as well as her background with hearing loss (from childhood) and was there for her for her first mapping of her second implant. I was a little ho-hum... yeah, sure... bring her back but thinking I'd talked to so many people online and through their blogs that I didn't expect much new info.

Randy and I were sitting there waiting and just talking when the door opened. In came my hearing loss twin, and oh. my. gosh. Michelle introduced Angela, while I took a quick look at her face and instantly made the connection. I was so excited when I saw her that I started squealing, "ANGELA EARHART????????" Well, I caught her off guard and everyone else there. I jumped up and grabbed her hands saying, "Do you remember me??? (Angela=stunned, dazed and confused) Miss Deaf Iowa, top ten!!!! You were a chef for you talent!!! (part of her act, it was actually a kind of skit) Miss Deaf Tennessee *pointing to self who was NOT top ten* Miss Deaf America Pageant!!" Let the party begin. I had not seen her in 15 years, and she was, for those two weeks, one of my nearest and dearest friends during that insanely busy and stressful whirlwind adventure.

Angela is a celebrity around these parts. She was on this reality medical show based in Houston a few years called Houston Medical that was shown nationally (I think that is the correct name... need to google this...) Not only is Angela deaf, people, but she is an honest to God doctor. I taped her show for my high school students who used to whine about being deaf limiting them to like... oh......everything????

I, of course, bombarded her with giddiness while chattering away and then we compared notes on our experiences. She's been activated with number one for about 8 months, and it has been so much work for her. She's still getting there, and she still has an interpreter with her 24/7 at the hospital where she works. She will be soon be practicing at Methodist Hospital in Houston. She's such a fascinating, down to earth person.

Her husband is just fabulous. He is from Romania and spoke perfect English even though it is not his first language.... and .... get this... SIGNED!!!!!!!!!! My husband is so meeting this guy one day. Angela (and her husband) gave a great little pep talk and also a reality talk on what it's really like to have grown up deaf, oral, with hearing aids in regards to this fairly new experience with cochlear implants. Her husband gave some great tips on how my husband can help by identifying sounds I might hear in public and making me aware of them so I'll start to recognize them.

Angela is still learning, but she did say she is getting much better with speech, but still has a ways to go. The first two to three months were the hardest for her, but she got to a point where the CI was working well enough that the hearing aid in her other ear started sounding lousy. Interesting. Angela eventually had to leave and go see the surgeon (same one I have), and I had to get back to the business of mapping, but it was just too cool seeing her.

Before Angela had left for her doctor's appointment at another building, a staff member who'd heard our 1994 Miss Deaf America Pageant connection (I'm sure I was fairly loud) ran back to the room with a camera and snapped our picture. I couldn't have looked more "stay at home mom-ish thrown together in ten minutes", but I placed Angela's skinny butt slightly in front of me so I could hide a tiny bit and slapped on a smile (and prayed this picture doesn't show up on any newsletter! Darn it, where's a shiny tiara when you need one?! Nothing hides a few pounds like a tiara does... especially a shiny one...) Shelly and I did run into Angela and her husband one more time downstairs as we were all going our separate ways. She said that her new CI is just like starting over with the first one again. I guess it is just how we are hardwired? So much for the brain giving her a break after all this time listening with the other implant, but hopefully that one will catch up to the other quickly for her. I can't wait to hear more from her.

Back to the mapping, Michelle listened to me and played with the bass. I got a nice boost, but it sounded like just low tones in my head, not actual real life sounds. She did say my lowest mapping at P1 she programed, if it went any lower I wouldn't be hearing anything (but I'd still be getting stimulation on the auditory nerve if we did that though and it would be far better to wear it at P1 than not at all), so I didn't go any lower. She also slowed the rate down that I was hearing... and I have no idea what that means, but things weren't quite as hectic in my head. She told me that I might not hear the burner at home but to check it out. (Yes, I tried it out immediately after arriving home, several times, and still hear it.)

After a nice little visit where nothing seemed to change too much sound-wise except to be more tolerable and a little lower, my exhausted child and I headed to a party store to find Mickey Mouse invitations for his Chuck E. Cheese birthday celebration next month. I hope he doesn't suffer from mouse confusion, but at his age Chuck E. and Mickey probably look like long lost cousins, and he has more than enough love for them both. Of course he wouldn't leave the party store willingly without a balloon, and I was happy to find the Blue Clues mylar balloon on clearance for $1. Latex balloons are a big cause of choking in young children, and it terrifies me every time someone offers him one. He's just obsessed with balloons. I'm debating on whether an enormous Micky balloon tossed in with his Chuck E. Cheese balloons would look goofy, but he'll be two. It's Chuck E. Cheese. I'm pretty sure anything goes.

We went to the bakery to order his Mickey cake and then also walked over to Half Priced Books a few stores down. Whew. Why do I think that child can handle such excitement? I couldn't look at anything without a whole new shelf of books threatening to fall at his fingertips. I picked up one book after another he yanked out and finally settled on Duck For President (we have two books from this collection, and they make ME laugh every time I read them) and a small slew of Thomas books. I just couldn't concentrate beyond that as Aidan was into EVERYTHING.... He was also coughing and sniffling and draining from a cold that was getting worse by the hour.... We paid for our purchases and got out of there before I lost my mind further.

Walking to our car I saw my trunk was open for business. What the heck? I'm really losing it, and that wasn't the first time I've walked up to my car to find the trunk opened from accidentally hitting the trunk button on my remote. It would be nice if I could HEAR it pop open. My husband had work supplies stored back there, but I guess they didn't look too appealing as they were all intact. I walked back to put the trunk down, and right as it was shutting, I saw it. In slow motion but yet just a split second in time, my child's hand wandered to the open area of the car just as the trunk was flying down, and like the bionic woman (in super slow yet lightening fast motion), mama came to the rescue with her thumb, as the rest of the hand had no time to jump in and ouch. ouch. ouch. Holy Toledo. I grabbed Aidan who was tearing up but his hand was fine (thank you, Jesus, and thank you, thumb!) and then a second peek at my thumb that appeared to be slowly doubling in size and growing blue. Yes, I cried. Man, ouch! This mom business is dangerous stuff some days, and to think there is no combat pay. Just a side note to explain what a hero I am not.... I originally broke that thumb at 13 weeks pregnant playing co-ed softball with James. It ended my softball career with a trip to the ER and having to sit there and stupidly tell these people..."yes, I'm pregnant... yes, I was playing ball... now please don't hurt my child with x-rays." *eyeroll* In the grand scheme of things, what's a little thumb for your child's well-being? At least in that one moment I felt like I had used it for a better purpose than I had 2.5 years ago. *sheepish grin*

Later that evening Aidan and I went with James to run some work-related errands and to pick up fast food at Sonic as I was too drained to whip up anything in the kitchen. We were all wiped out from our mutual long days by the time we got home. However, I realized I had worked my way up to map #3 in ONE day. On a whim, I flipped on the last program to P4 and pulled out the left HA for the heck of it, and IT. HAPPENED. Yes! My husband sounded like a kidnapped Donald Duck stuck in a bag on the side of the road, but I heard HIM. I heard words!!!! Real actual conversation and not just beep-beep-beepity-beep. I really truly honestly heard the guy! I did a really silly dance, and my son was right behind me getting jiggy and turning in circles. So there ya have it... A little kick in the bass can go a long way, and I guess I had to learn to tolerate the lower programs in order to get to a point that the mappings could get to the speech range. James sounded absolutely horrible and muffled, hollow, BUT it was really the most beautiful sound I've heard since that child of mine started wailing in the operating room nearly two years ago after that really long silence (and probably his last silence at that.)

Earlier that afternoon, my audiologist said her goal for me when I came back in a few weeks was to get to P4, and I was working it a few hours later... What an ego boost for me, and I really needed it. I am really determined to work at this now. All I needed was something a little more than the clicking on the gas stove to get me out of my funk and into my groove. I'm really glad that day worked out the way it did from getting moral support and babysitting from one of my closest friends and moral support from a very unexpected, old friend, as well as a great new audiologist that listens to me and walks me through everything she's doing, while humoring all my questions and suggestions. What a super fabulous day!!

Watching AMERICAN IDOL with a Cochlear Implant - Take 2

This last week has been pretty rough in terms of listening out of my right ear (and the word "listening" is used loosely.) My ear has been taken over by bells that only Edgar Allen Poe might have done justice describing. If I didn't have a fellow blogger in cyber space doing similar and only a week and half ahead of me in activation, I might be feeling a little more isolated right now. (Hi Kelly! :-) I know I'm not alone though, and my experience might be one of the slower success stories to be. I have no doubt I'll be a success story, I just didn't expect how much work and time would be involved before I got somewhere more productive, but like Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."

From my casual observations so far, it seems like life long hearing aid users with severe to profound hearing loss having cochlear implant surgery as adult don't come out of early activation with the more exciting, quicker results of those deafened later in life. I haven't heard Donald Duck talking to me, distinguished the blinker in my car ticking away, and I've definitely not heard birds singing YET.

I'm wondering if most new adult cochlear implant users, in general, tend to be the later deafened and if that is why there seems to be much speedier rates of success when reading blogs in the CI community? I could be wrong, but it seems like most people choosing to have the surgery as an adult are not the ones that grew up with a severe-profound hearing loss using hearing aids and even more rare are the adults that not only lip read but use sign language as a mode of communication. Any thoughts on this? Please note, I did say MOST, as I'd be an exception to this myself as would Kelly, since we've both being hearing impaired forever and a day (and her blog is listed on the right side of this page and titled "Life is about Creating Yourself" and definitely worth checking out.) Also, I am in no way saying that those later deafened just breeze through the process. I think it's just one of those things where past experiences greatly affect early and overall success. I also think this is where some complaints come in that there's so much "hype" about initial success, when probably it's not so much hype as it is the actual experiences of a certain demographic and their triumphs with the implant.

Last night, I tuned in for my usual Tuesday night dose of American Idol. I actually enjoyed it more than any time since I had surgery. It's a little difficult to explain, but one quick way to sum it up is, I would have preferred to have my cochlear implant ON than off during last night's episode. There is no miracle on a grand scale to report, but on the small scale, I think God is helping me figure things out a little at a time and maybe granting me a bit more patience through this process.

So, what was different? For starters it was probably in my favor that they were singing songs from their birth years with the oldest (Danny) born in 1980 and the youngest (Allison) born in 1992, and those songs were definitely "old school" for me. On a side note, I can't believe I'm old enough now that years of my youth are considered recycled pop culture..... but moving on as I'd rather not dwell on that thought too long... happy thoughts...happy thoughts...... With only one hearing aid on post surgery, I've been pretty lost listening to the show on Tuesday nights, but I've kept trying regardless because I just love that ridiculous show. Last week was exhausting and annoying with the ringing in my right ear (and it just happened to be activation day #1.... oh... wait... so last night was the culmination of week one and I finally found something nice to say about it? Cool!)

Last night, I noticed that I wasn't feeling impatient or annoyed (unless it was directed at Simon's biased commentary.) The singing voices seemed to be richer and have more clarity. I was confused. What was different? I pulled the magnet off my head and numerous times, and the world would become a little too silent with only one hearing aid doing all the work. I'd pop it back on and the ringing would be back, that annoying ringing, but the volume and clarity of the song would increase just a little somehow, some way. I'd turn off my hearing aid and let the CI go solo, but my right ear (CI) just mocked my left ear (HA) for thinking such crazy thoughts. The ringing has become easier to tune out, even though I know that's me hearing things I don't have a clue how to sort yet, but together with my HA, the implant, seems to be providing the role of supporting actor... (a very small role, but we're getting somewhere nonetheless.)

I think I'm going to play the show back on DVR today and see if I still feel the same about the clarity I felt last night. Just a little disclaimer though, I did use the captions and having heard most of those songs for years also helped. Then again, AI isn't known for showcasing anything remotely modern in song choices most of the time, and I usually do know several of the songs being sung on any given week. In fact, if I don't know something, it seems like that is when Simon will call someone indulgent. Go figure. It's such a pet peeve of mine.... if the kids sing something different on the show, it's indulgent, but Simon doesn't hesitate to complain how karaoke his non-chosen ones sound singing the same old, same old done to death songs... Maybe another show I'll write a post venting about even more hypocrisies on the show, like how Kris was told to be more like the original and the next song Lil was told she was too much like the original. I'm still reeling from whiplash, but it's a frequent side effect of too much American Idol anyway.

I am curious if any other deaf/hard of hearing CI or hearing aid users watch the show, and your thoughts. Anybody else get ticked off when the word "deaf" gets thrown around a little too lightly on the show or the message boards to make a dig at the singers, judges or other audience members who disagree on what they heard? I think the new judge was the last one to use it on the show, and my husband looked at me quickly only to see me baring fangs and snarling. I ceased before I got foamy and slobbery though.

Feel free to add your two cents about the advantages/disadvantages of being implanted after being late deafened or as a life-long card carrying member of the deaf and hard of hearing world.... and PLEASE feel free to snark or praise anything remotely related to your American Idol viewing and especially, "hearing" experience.

Just 12 Hours to Activation... :) WOOT!

I'm so excited tonight about what tomorrow afternoon will bring when my cochlear implant is FINALLY activated! I thought we had a babysitter for the little guy but not happening. James has a friend that's been in the construction field with him for several years and still works for James occasionally. He's a little rough around the edges, but he named his very beloved cocker spaniel, Princess. Go figure. He's a guy's guy with a big heart, and always a story to tell. Aidan adores his dog, Princess, and loves playing with her. It's a bit of a bummer that he couldn't babysit.

So, in the spirit of pure toddler bribery tomorrow afternoon, I went on a mini shopping spree at Toys R Us and Half-Priced Books tonight. I found some interesting and seriously over priced toddler snacks... some salty, some sweet but most importantly low in sugar (because this child leaps off walls like Spiderman after too much sugar but give him just enough and he's sweet as...well, pie.. no pun intended.) The only exception would be the PEZ Mickey Mouse because we LOVE Mickey Mouse in this house. Okay, and I'll throw in a couple of lollipops too, but desperate times and all that...

I picked up a Doodle Pro *fingers crossed it will hold Aidan's attention for a minute* as well as some farm animal figurines. He was only so-so interested in his plastic barnyard in a jar. It would probably pointless to bring them when the cows and pigs will probably be caught loitering among the equipment or under the audiologist's feet with Aidan right behind them (and I'm pretty sure she's too serious to be amused by that.)

The real winner was the Thomas the Train peel and stick book from Half-Priced Books for $5. Who knew? Aidan, my darling son, sat by me quietly playing... just peeling and sticking and peeling and sticking some more while James and I watched tonight's complete episode of Dancing with the Stars. (Note to reader... I have never used the words "Aidan" and "quietly" in the same sentence until tonight.) He hasn't sat beside me on the couch for more than a few minutes, if even that long, since he figured out how to wiggle and roll practically the day after he was born. (Did I mention he was eleven days late? I swear he came out and ordered a happy meal!)

I hope tomorrow brings the same sweet quiet behavior so his daddy and adopted Aunt Becky can relax and stay put for moral support. I'm also hoping since Aidan is going to be with us, that I can hear his voice first, even if he says "burgers and COKE!" sounding like the love child of Wall-E and Fran Drescher . Okay, I'm a little choked up at the thought... and I don't do sappy if I can help it (which is rarely... I'm too sentimental at heart, but you didn't hear that from me. ;-)

Last, but not least, by this time tomorrow night I will have seen my first episode of American Idol while activated. I am hoping they don't all sound like love childs of ducks on helium, robots, nasal nannies, and whales bellowing under water. Note to self... keep expectations simple. You didn't buy that either, did you? ;)

Stay tuned!

Put Your Hands Up in the Air! It's Shelly's Birthday!

Today was an adventure. My friend, Shelly, had a birthday, so Becky and I made plans to go to dinner tonight with her at Gringo's. James and Darrell (Shelly's husband) were "allowed" to come but had to sit at the end of the table across from each other so they could male bond while Shelly, Becky, and I tried to catch up on everything under the sun at the other end of the table, and Aidan was left with a babysitter at Shelly's house with James, her son, and no tears!!! Woo hoo, Aidan!

Shelly, Becky, and I became friends through our weekly happy slash venting hours for a couple of years while we were teaching... 5 years, 6 years ago?? We could spend hours talking and the sun would go down as we sat on the deck at "the boat" (Sam's Boat...fun place!) Between work and our personal lives outside of work we never ran out of topics. Becky still teaches the babies and loves it, but I left deaf education when I got married in 2005, and Shelly left a few months before her son, James, was born in 2007.

So anyway, tonight was a great getting to catch up, eating Mexican food, and drinking margaritas kind of night. *sigh* I miss our happy hours and dinners from back in the day. Both of them were in my wedding, and they threw my cowboy themed baby shower for my eleven day late mini cowpoke. They straightened out my dazed and confused self tonight, when I told them my first mapping is this Wednesday, the 31st. Nope, Tuesday is the 31st... and color me thrilled... American Idol, I'm going to be ready for you Tuesday night! (I'm really optimistic about the first mapping if you can't tell.) Becky is going to try to make the first mapping, and Shelly wants to try to come on the 1st, my second appointment, the next day. I adore them. If you guys are reading this... I MISS YOU, darn it!!! :-)

Before we went to dinner tonight, James, Aidan, and I went shopping at Kohl's. We had to check out by 2pm to get an extra discount, and darned if James wasn't in line for at least 10 minutes only to be checked out a minute or two after 2pm without getting the discount. It must've taken 20 minutes or more to get it all straightened out and have the register re-rigged to give us our discount. With a lively, opinionated toddler in tow, it feels like double the amount of time.

Then we took Aidan to McDonald's at lunch with a big indoor playground to burn some energy and eat "burgers and COKE!" as he screamed pulling up in the parking lot. Where does he get this stuff??? James climbed up the maze (to the ceiling) with Aidan and through the tunnels. Then, on their way down the slide, James got STUCK in the slide. Aidan jumped ship and went down without him. Little Turkey Butt, but oh so brave! Fortunately, James worked his way down and looked a little wounded... (his ego and physically... poor guy! ;-)

We went to my hair appointment at 3:30. I haven't had it cut in 3 months, and it's been over half a year since I had it professionally highlighted. My hairdresser had booked 3 or 4 appts at once and was running ragged between a perm, coloring, and haircuts BEFORE she even threw me in the mix about 20 minutes later. I told her I had to be out by 5:30, which she agreed to before I sent James and Aidan on their way, only to not finish until after 6:00 (when we had 7:00 dinner plans across town) because she started so late and had too much going on at once. I showed her pics of subtle highlights that didn't look like bright blond zebra stripes which scare me, and lo and behold, I came out looking like I had bright blond zebra stripes. Not to mention, I told her I'd just had surgery and she raked the metal pick side of the comb right down my incision while doing highlights... oh. my. gosh. That was extremely painful! She apologized, but how does she forget something THAT important? I also gave her very clear details on how I wanted my hair cut because I wanted to grow it out. She nodded and then long pieces of hair were falling left and right on my salon apron/jacket thingie. I'm sure there's a word for it but so not important. What's important is I can barely pull my hair back in a ponytail holder (which is esstential for Houston's heat and humidity in my humble opinion.) She told me that my hair looked beautiful, and honestly it is a nice cut, and she did tone down the color, but my hair length is gone. *sniff*

Sometimes I think many deaf people can hear/comprehend more than some hearing people because we actively try to pay attention to what's going on around us. We're mostly a visual group and can pick up a lot of clues that hearing people tend to miss. If you want to know how somebody REALLY feels about something, ask a deaf person who has been observing. I hate it when someone with perfect hearing has highly selective hearing, especially when they use it on me... *boo*hiss*.... (I won't mention my husband's tendancy to do that, since I have him "trained" to listen to me MOST of the time now. :0) Oh yeah, I went there.)

I will never go back to my hair stylist on a Saturday again, and if I even go back is questionable. I have a history of "firing" my stylists after too many screw ups and then searching madly around town for someone better... There's 1, 2, 3 and hmmm.. now maybe 4 stylists I finally had to break up with since I've moved to Houston after utter frustration. My friend, Anna, used to follow me to whoever I found because she knew I was super picky. Every time I told her so and so is fired, she'd sigh and ask me "well, where are we going now?" That was always funny because she hated answering questions to said stylist about why I abruptly stopped coming for appointments, so she just divorced the stylist too. I'm not as fussy anymore... I mean please, I'm not a single girl on the town every Saturday night anymore, unless you count Chuck E Cheese, but I do have some standards.... like, don't hurt me. Don't whack my hair off, and please no bleached out stripes in my hair, and get me out of the salon at the time you promised.

Anyway, James and I ran home to change after my appointment and were rushing to get out the door 10 minutes later to make it to Shelly's on time, but then her husband was late getting home from a frisbee golf tournament (where he won 2nd place today! Go Darrell!) The babysitter didn't arrive until 7:00, so Shelly and Becky planned, at the last minute, to meet for dinner at 7:30 instead of 7:00. We finally touched base with Shelly about 15 minutes away from her house to find all that out, and we were so relieved to find out everyone was running behind. We could finally relax. When the 3 of us get together, one of us is always late. They like me because they think I'm the worst one, and I make them look good.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tonight was so much fun! ~~xoxo~~

A Case of Mistaken Identity

I've been meaning (and forgetting) to post about the case of an interpreter's mistaken identity for several days, but as is apparent in this blog, my memory is not ginkgo enhanced.

In my second post on this blog I mentioned Emily, my interpreter for my cochlear implant surgery. Emily worked as a substitute interpreter (temporary hire from an agency) on occasion when our deaf education program's regular interpreters were out for the day. I mentioned how she was there before (she was) and after surgery (she wasn't). I also mentioned in that blog post the picture we had made together.... no, I've not uploaded any pictures from that day yet to my computer (I really wasn't looking so hot, so no rush to share with the world yet), and I refuse to upload the video because I look like a cast member from Celebrity Rehab rolling up to the first day of treatment minus the cosmetically enhanced lips and Lincoln Navigator.

So, anyway.... I looked through James' camera at the pictures the other day. I got to the picture of "Emily" and me and had this puzzled expression on my face. Me: uh, who is this? This isn't Emily. James: Well, no, that's your interpreter from when you were in labor. They switched out while you were in surgery. Me: Say what????????? ....and that is how confounded, dazed and confused a little morphine will make a soul. I spent a couple weeks telling this story a few times and thinking all the while my interpreter, Emily, was there for me the whole day. I just have to laugh because I had no clue my interpreter from nearly two years before, when I was in labor, was there again in the recovery room after my cochlear implant surgery. Even though I had video talking with her and a picture sitting with her posing before we left the hospital, I had no idea. I remember seeing the picture with "Emily" after surgery and initially thinking that she looked a lot different than I remembered but shrugged it off since I was on serious pain meds and still feeling the after effects of all the morphine I'd had that day.

Let me back up.... When I was in labor in May 2007, I had 3 interpreters there all day that came in shifts. The first two seemed kind of at loss with an oral deaf chick who could hold her own most of the time. I have to force myself to look at interpreters sometimes when I'm in a situation that I can handle orally because I feel really bad about somebody being hired for my benefit and then not using them. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can handle a situation through speechreading (and patient staff members who will take the time to enunciate clearly without overdoing it), or if I need pull out the stops with all of the above and sign language too, until I'm actually in the situation. Plus, any time I'm in severe pain or just doped up (in a legal manner of course) I really need an interpreter there.

My water broke around 4am that morning, and that evening, many hours later, when my third interpreter showed up I was having a rough time. It only got rougher that evening when my young and seemingly inexperienced nurse decided to turn off my epidural ENTIRELY (when I was 10cm...grr...) without discussing it with James or me so I could FEEL my contractions more because SHE decided I wasn't pushing hard enough.... *boo*hiss* WHO DOES THAT??????? Yow!!! It took TWO hours for the anesthiologist to get back to my room and turn it on, and he was ticked with her to say the least and had no qualms with giving her what-for in front of my family and me. Normally I would have been appalled, but this is one of those times when I think the chewing out was warranted. Plus, there was a full moon out that night so the hospital maternity section was bombarded, and my anesthiologist barely had time to come back. (Anyone doubting this full moon theory should do some research. I kidded with my doctor about the theory that more women give birth during the full moon, and he said it was true as did the hospital staff that was running frazzled that night.) Meanwhile, I was the screaming banshee you will often see on tv or in the movies yelling at my husband, "IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL DO SOMETHING NOW! OOOOOOOOOOWWW!! PLEEEASE HELP ME!!" I stopped short at telling him it was all his fault because that line has been overused for years on tv ...and yes, I was also the chick that showed up originally declining the epidural so I could go natural. I made it through 4 cm and a round of Demerol before I gave in to the epi! *giggle*snort* (To my credit though, I was given Pitocin to get labor going and artificially enhanced contractions aren't exactly a walk in the park, even though Jessica Alba will say contractions are only like bad cramps... for real, Jessica???)

The final interpreter that came in for labor was an angel in disguise. She was just what the doctor should have ordered and lucky me, she came when I needed her most. She was really sweet, and she had four kids herself so she felt very at home interpreting in that environment. At some point though she went from interpreter to interpreter-slash-coach. That will almost never happen with an interpreter from an agency as most are so by the book and all about straight interpreting, but I got to the point that I was almost out of my mind and ready to throw in the towel or jump out of the window (and I would have if I were on the first floor! :-) My pain, when that nurse turned off the epi, was out of this world! I want to howl just thinking about that night sometimes. So my new "coach" would hold my knees and sign counting to ten to help me with the breathing exercises. She was so calm and so positive and really helped center me. Finally after many hours of pushing... I think it was about 8 hours of actively pushing... (I'm stubborn like that... I didn't want to have a c-section!) we were coming up to 24 hours after my water broke. Aidan just wasn't going anywhere no matter how hard I pushed and I had had been fully dilated and effaced at 10 cm.... It was a lost cause. I was completely exhausted and was in tears I couldn't get him out without surgery. I can't even begin to imagine how many women have been in that situation before modern medicine was equipped to intervene.

My interpreter was so supportive and walked beside me to the surgery room door to interpret any last minute details. Fortunately, James was scrubbed and by my side quickly in the operating room. Almost 24 hours to the minute after my water broke, Aidan was with us. I should add that when he came out the room was eerily silent. I could only see James' face and for a second he looked scared to death, until he remembered I was watching his face. We were both holding our breath, and I knew the doctors were working on Aidan..... and then I heard it, his voice screaming.... the most beautiful sound I had ever ever and I do mean EVER heard in my life. James brought him to me, and oh, wow, he was breath-taking. We couldn't believe we made such a gorgeous baby, and we knew we were blessed. After the staff weighed Aidan, James looked at me astounded and repeated "nine pounds and two ounces". Our doctor had just told us two days before that he weighed 7 pounds and change, but since he was 11 days late and I was looking more and more like a Goodyear blimp, I didn't really believe him. So here was our kiddo, absolutely gorgeous with a giant conehead from where his big head was stuck at the birth canal entrance. It didn't matter how he showed up or how pointy his head was, we were just glad he was finally here.

Once Aidan was cleaned up, he went with his daddy and nurse to the nursery. My interpreter was still there! She didn't want to leave without seeing Aidan once, the little guy that she did her part to make his arrival in the world a little smoother than it would have been without her, even though she had probably been off duty for at least an hour. At this point it was probably pushing 6am, and she'd been there since early the evening before. What a trooper and great interpreter/coach she'd been for us. Here's the thing.... I was so drugged, I couldn't remember her name a week later. It has bothered me ever since. Then here were are twenty two months later, and once again, she's there to fill in the gaps, and I think she's Emily! James feels bad that he can't recall her name either. *sigh* Maybe one day I'll see her when I am actually sober for a change. I'll have to admit I can't remember her name, but at least I can refer her to this post so she'll know that I don't need ginkgo to appreciate what she has done for me!

My Life is an Extended Blooper Reel

This has been a weird kind of week..... It's one of those times where if I would just sit down and capture all the details on paper (or computer more likely) I might have started a true life comedy and best seller. No, nothing overly thrilling... but just the usual tales of the bloopers that make up my life. My friends humor me and tell me my stories are fabulous, but I'm pretty sure they mean that in a "and thank God it's you and not me" kind of way.

Where to start?? Last Saturday we took Aidan to the Houston Livestock and Rodeo. It is truly one of my favorite times of the year. I LOVE the rodeo. It was raining and the first day of spring break for all of Houston and the surrounding areas. We should've known it would be a zoo, literally, with a gazillion children in line for the petting zoo, pony rides, the cow barn, and even the exhibition areas with animals since the outside carnival was closed down. First we get there and go see the pigs. Aidan took off with James hot on his heels down the piggy lane... petting each pig for a hot second before taking off for the next. That child kills me. I have video of trying to keep up with him as I was pushing his stroller while he takes the occasional peek over his shoulder to see how close we are to catching up with him as he zigzags around the crowds. Then I took him to the petting zoo and he ran from goat to goat wrestling (again... literally) the poor things with his ferocious and maiming hugs. He ran up to a big ole llama and stuck his hand in its eyes and mouth.... then he pulled on the ears of a litter of tiny baby goats. I got more than one dirty look zipping behind him with the Flip camera while pulling him back from loving on the animals so intensely. We also took him through the barn where there were all kinds of big cows and bulls/steers, and a variety of goats and pigs. His dad thinks he is reliving his 4-H days by showing us how he can moo to a cow and get the cow to moo back. See, it's not me Aidan gets all the weirdness from, people! (His dad once raised a pig only to find out it was underweight before competition. PETA would probably love to know he bloated his pig up on water from a hose so he'd qualify to compete and eventually even place...) I also have James mooing on tape. I am ready to activate this implant already so I can get the full listening experience from the video. Aidan watched James in fascination. James left the building, and meanwhile Aidan walked up to a pig who started to nibble on his hand. I don't think Aidan liked that too much and was looking at his snotty looking hand in disdain. I couldn't believe he drew the line at slurping pigs on his fingers. We also took Aidan to the rabbit exhibit. *BIG EYEROLL* What did my son do?? Well first there was a big rabbit a lady was holding that Aidan started tugging on...hard. Said lady was not a happy camper. I moved him along to the next lady who was holding a gerbil, and my darling son snatched that gerbil right out of her hand and tossed the poor thing on the table. just. like. that. opps. Again, dirty look and I moved him along to the caged rabbits he, fortunately, couldn't touch. I was extremely grateful to James for taking Aidan with him for about 30 minutes and giving me the card to go shopping. I left with a new purse, wallet, turquoise/silver ring and bracelet. A totally fabulous reward for my hard work already that day. The last thing we did before we walked out of the rodeo was take him on his first pony ride. That was just really darned cool. I walked behind him filming it all only to find out it either wasn't on correctly or it was accidently deleted. Well, his proud papa stood on the side and made pictures every time Aidan came around. Aidan had no interest in posing and was completely engrossed in the pony experience. I guess with papa and mamarazzi like he has tailing him in public for almost two years, he's been forced to just tune us out in order to enjoy his life.

Tuesday, Aidan and I went on a long long walk. We walked to my father in law's house to say hello and feed the ducks, but they weren't home. Every time we walked past one of the manmade lakes on our walk over, Aidan threw a hissy fit to get out and feed his ducks. I turned around and went back to the park where we blew bubbles, played on the swings and slides (which I totally forgot to ask Dr. McReynolds about... as I'd read plastic slides and cochlear implants can be a lethal combination... well lethal for the CI... not me personally...) and then I followed his happy slappy self trotting off to the duck pond where we sat by the pond feeding the ducks. It was a classic Hallmark visit to our local park on a beautiful spring day... until that happy slappy little goofball jumped up and ran pellmell for the pond with me just one step behind him. The next thing I knew we were at the edge before I could reach him, and just as I grabbed him I lost my footing and *kerplunk* we both went flying in with the fishes, turtles and ducks (who all fled from us at this point.) I was stunned. Aidan was shellshocked. I stood there in my beautiful new tennis shoes up to my knees in water and holding my child who looked at me all sentimental, teary, and sputtering. Yes, there were other people there at a distance. I'm sure they had to have seen us, but they left us alone in that very awkward, uncomfortable, wet moment as we stood in the shallow pond water. If there was one saving grace it was that the water wasn't any deeper than it was. I had to grab a tree root to haul us up as the drop off to the pond is quite sudden with no slope to tread up on and out of the water easily, and I immediately put my dripping wet and unusually silent and still child in his stroller. Then I sloshed home about half a mile soaking wet with dirty knees silently steaming. When we got home I peeled off his stinky clothes and shoes at the front door and went directly to call James on the video phone with one of those "and let me tell you what YOUR child just did...." calls. The interpreter was amused. Aidan finally broke his silence sitting in the floor leaning against the doorway crying furiously. I brought him over to the phone and told him his daddy was on the phone... and instead of getting excited and saying "Daddy, Daddy..." like he usually does, he turned his lips down and whined "ducks, ducks..." like he was just terrorized by his experience. Sheesh. Daddy thought it was amusing too and had to throw in one of those told-you-so comments since Aidan has been trying to make a break for the pond for a year now, which has been why I rarely ever take him there anymore. He's just not normal...that child....

After that I got Aidan cleaned up for a night out at Chuck E. Cheese date with his dad since we hadn't been there since, oh... Sunday, a whole two days. I met my friend, Dannette and her husband for a 10:30 open captioned movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Awesome, profound, and touching movie. It was cool showing her my cochlear implant to be surgical scars and shaved head and catching up on their lives. They are moving to Austin this summer where she plans to teach deaf education pre-school next year hopefully at Texas School for the Deaf. Dannette was Miss Deaf Texas when I was Miss Deaf Tennessee, and we've been very close ever since we met at the Miss Deaf America Pageant in 1994. I also found out a mutual friend is also getting a cochlear implant next month, and I can't wait to catch up with her and see how everything works out with her too. After the movie I stopped at Walmart for a few things and darned if I didn't set off the alarms coming and going. This day was just getting better and better. The guy manning the door was just looking at me oddly and I had to explain the whole "I just had surgery and have a magnet in my head...see my scar..." thing.... blah. I hope that doesn't happen often. It hasn't happened at the other Walmart near me, and it is a more updated store. I'm guessing maybe the alarm system there is more advanced and sensitive than the one at the store where I set off the alarm. It really drove home the whole thing of having a computer in my head. Every day I can feel the magnet more and more clearly. It is just insane thinking there is a foriegn object implanted there that is going to change my life (and hopefully make the title of this blog become a reality as I really expect to hear "that"....lots and lots of this 'n' that.)

The next day I went to my doctor check up a whole day early, and there I thought I was running late. I really need to carry a calendar. Aidan made several friends in the waiting room playing with his trains, running and jumping around with a big grin on his face and dispensing hugs. He also enjoyed the car stickers and lollipop from the staff. Figures, it was the one day James couldn't take him at that time, and it wasn't even my day to be there. Needless to say there was no interpreter either being a whole day early. Dr. McReynolds was really cool about seeing me anyway and said everything looked great, and he'd come by for my first mapping to make sure everything looks good. I'm touched he is going the extra mile as he certainly doesn't have to be there. I really really like him. He also seems really impressed I still retain some residual hearing in my right ear. I actually wore both hearing aids to watch American Idol this week, but my implanted ear felt exhausted afterwards and the benefit from the hearing aid was minimal, but there was some.

After the doctor appointment, I took Aidan to McDonalds to play in the big play area for a couple of hours. He made a lot of insta-friends with the older kids. He also ventured all the way to the top of the maze TWICE with the help of some girls and this child is not yet even two... he's such a big brave boy. He was scared, but he kept going and even slid down the big loopy slide that starts at the ceiling and twists and turns several times on the way down. I held my breath and was so proud of him for trying it. He was really cute waving at me from waaaaaaay up top while looking a little frozen like..."oh *bleep*bleep* what have I done????" Meanwhile I was forced to eat our Big Mac solo since he was too busy playing. Well, I didn't want to waste it, you know. It was not my finest moment since going back on Weight Watchers in January.... I won't even mention the fries, Coke(s) or parfait... no need really.

Today we hung out at home. I'm incredibly sore and stiff from our long walk this week and tumble in the pond (and trips to Walmart, Kohls, and the rodeo didn't help either.) Aidan has an ugly cold... lots of sniffles, coughing, and tears. We've skipped the bloopers for the day and enjoyed about 5 different shows of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We also talked to my friend, Crissie in Tennessee on the video phone since she is out of work sick herself. Aidan LOVES talking to her and calling out to her cat, Tux. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up with Crissie live and in person this summer. Aidan already thinks he knows her well. He woke up from his nap asking to talk to her and ran to the office to see if she was still on the tv.... really cute.... It was a nice and much needed break from the daily hee-haws in our lives lately. ;-)

Mosh Pit, Head Banging, Stars in the Morning Baby

This morning I saw stars. No, I didn't wake up before the sun came up, but I wish I had. Then I wouldn't have been RUDELY awaken by a 22 month old toddler who wanted some attention with a gigantic head butt on the side of the head... right smackeroo on the formerly healing incision where my bionic piece, a.k.a. the really expensive cochlear implant, is housed... oy, stars!

For the longest time... *hanging head*.... 14 months to be precise, we were a co-sleeping family because I didn't have the heart to put the little guy in his own bed at night. I couldn't handle the tears and drama on the few times I made the feeble attempt. It took 14 months before that crib in his little yellow cowboy room was actually slept in overnight. I can't even take credit for that, as one of my BFFs took him in for a week last July when James unexpectedly ended up in ICU. I call that week at Shelly's "baby boot camp" because Aidan came home with skillz his mama didn't teach him, including sleeping by himself with not too many tears in protest.

We have a routine that we've developed around here since then that works for all of us. In the evenings, I make dinner, James is in charge of baths, I do story time before bed, and before James leaves for work he changes Aidan's diaper and puts him in bed with his me. Being deaf, I would never hear Aidan wake up in another room, but I will wake up if he's beside me be-bopping and bouncing around. I like it because he is an independent little guy at night, and I get time to myself or to spend with James just relaxing, but in the morning I get to wake up to my little ray of sunshine full of love and joy.... until this morning..... there was no sunshine... just stars. Lots and lots of stars.... in the moment I might not have used very motherly language either. My little tyke woke me up with one big, huge, resounding HEAD BUTT right smack on the side of my head... right where that magnet is implanted. Lord have mercy. What did he think it was? Rave time? Body slamming mosh pit practice for the Barney song on he might hear later on PBS? Argh!!!!!!!!! *$&*^%!!!!! No really, I refrained from yelling and screaming and just looked at him stunned while holding my head... my poor throbbing head. We got up and I fixed him breakfast while I popped a pain pill and some Diet Pepsi.

I emailed Pat in Dr. McReynolds' office to tell her what happened and to inquire if my implant might be toast. She wrote me back and said it would take much worse, to take a Tylenol, and she'd let Dr. McReynolds know on Monday when he came in what happened. I'm sure she might have gotten a chuckle out of that email today. I did take more pain medication later today... it's still throbbing a bit. I've really got to teach my son how to show his affection in a more subtle manner. Maybe I should call Shelly at "baby bootcamp"? I do know the next time the little guy gives me a big hug and kiss and then follows up with a playful head butt that we'll put an end to that. Seriously... a head butt in the morning. Did I mention how much I love that kid???? :-)

****this post is dedicated to Jessica in Seattle (a member of my two person fan club...), who pestered me to write something for the day.... love ya, chickie!*****

Finally... just squeaky clean hair!

I've gotten some feedback from other previously krazy glued cochlear implant recipients and was inspired this afternoon to go ahead and lather up some Herbal Essences without fear of coming unglued...literally or figuratively. I had read about one person who had trouble with her incision opening early, but a couple people on a CI email group I belong to led me to believe I'm going to have a harder time getting the glue out of my hair than I'd like as opposed to the computer in my head falling out through the cracks because of a little water and some suds n' bubbles. So, I now have squeaky clean hair that doesn't flatly stick up in any direction I manipulate it!
*********Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh*************
I don't even care that I haven't had it cut in nearly 3 months or that my roots are a hot mess (when IS the last time I had them done???).... I didn't need to whip out the Chi and ten hair products to feel good.... The little part that is shaved doesn't faze me (but okay, I am a little self conscious about the somewhat gory looking scar showing in public so I decided against a ponytail for a trip to Walmart today...) All in all... this. is. bliss... just clean hair blown out and twisted up in a clip with wispy pieces falling here and there. It's the little things....

American Idol, Whiny Toddler, and Food, Food, Food

Last night we turned on American Idol, and it just wasn't as much fun as usual. We had the volume way up there, but for some reason Aidan is always at his loudest and most fussiest when we are watching that show. I suppose because it's not the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Zoboomafoo. Betweeen Aidan and the show, I can barely make out anything clearly. We broke our own rules and gave him a couple of lollipops to see if we could get him to zip it. It's a nice little short-term solution... but doing it over long periods of time would have him bouncing off walls with sugar highs even more than he does normally. Last night was Michael Jackson night, and I am picking favorites by looks, whether Paula is up and dancing, and if I recognize the song (and if James tells me it sounds halfway decent.) That's just sad... I'm ready for two ears again, albeit with one semi, sort of, kind of bionic ear.

Speaking of lollipops and all things sugar related.... am I the only person that gains a huge chunk of change at the first sniffle, cough, or slice under the knife? I HAD lost 11 pounds prior to my CI surgery... after surgery I required all kinds of comfort foods and lost the fierceness of being in control... lost my mojo and gained most of it back...just. like. that. The food has been awesome... *sigh* All that hard work...*poof* Snickers, anyone?

I'm so ready to WASH MY HAIR!!!! I talked to Pat in Dr. McReynold's office, and she put it in perspective. She said if the incision were to get wet, the glue could come undone and to be very very careful. Needless to say, we put off the hair washing a little longer... but man... it has been a week. I honestly will not leave the house until I can wash my hair at this point. We'll wash it tomorrow night though because I have a public appearance at the doctor's office on Friday.

I'm still having pain. It feels like a sharp ear infection on the inside, and on the outside I feel like I have a nail that someone tightened beyond the point of return behind my ear. Also, most of my ear still has numbness to touch, but it's starting to feel like I'm touching my own ear and not someone else's (which was a really weird experience). I thought I was past needing pain pills, but last night I had to take one to get some relief. My ear has a lot of swelling and therefore sticks out now. One of my best hidden features are my lovely flat ears that no one ever notices due to my hearing aids taking away from them. Now I have one floppy ear and one flat ear. I don't think anybody would make it past the mop on my head to notice though (if I were in public, that is...)

I've been reading some other blogs from cochlear implant recipients. I've gone back to the beginnings of their blogs to see how it was for them at this stage. I have to say in spite of the pain, the messy hair, the weight gain, and oh, my son picking favorites with his parental figures (and I haven't been the chosen one lately) that I'm extremely excited about activation. I'm glad the first two activation days are scheduled together instead of spaced apart a week. I know my expectations should be low, but I also know my personality and how well I have done with very little sound to work with over the years, and I can't help but think this is going to be a great thing but a whole lotta work.

On a happy note, last night Aidan climbed on a chair beside me when I was on the phone talking to Alecia. I'm not sure if he was showing off for the interpreter or just happy to give his mama some love, but he leaned over THREE times to give me a big kiss in the face. All was right with my world. Whatever had been bugging him about me was gone. After I got off the phone he told his daddy goodnight and grabbed my hand as we walked to his room to read about trains and animals. I love that kid!!!

The Weekend Blues

One thing I learned this weekend..... never take a hyper toddler to dinner at Bennihana's. The other thing I learned... nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, holds a candle to the lure of Chuck E. Cheese for a hyper toddler. So, we took the kids to dinner. James and I took turns taking Aidan outside when he was antsy. When James was gone, of course the waitress or chef would ask me a question I couldn't hear. My stepdaughter is too shy with strangers to really help there. At one point a lady at my table thought it would be okay to move over to James' chair and mouth quite loudly what was being asked of me. I know she was trying to be helpful, but she was so in my space, in my face, and talking to me like I was a sweet little lost five year old... boo...hiss... I told her thanks and that I read lips and could see her lips from over thataway. I don't know quite how I said it in the moment, but I did say something along those lines. Oops. I must've said it with some tact because they waved at us like we were all BFFs as we parted after dinner.

After dinner we went to Chuck E. Cheese. Aidan asks to go there several times daily, and James loves to oblige and takes him 2 or 3 times a week lately. It's definitely cheap fun since every ride and game only costs a token which is only a quarter. I stayed there for a few minutes but the roar in my "good" non-favored ear was just too much, and Saturday night traffic in there is elbow to elbow. I found one little boy standing alone in the women's bathroom crying his eyes out. He didn't know where his mother was and it was just chaos, so I carried him out to someone that worked there. She found his mom quickly. I couldn't believe none of the other mothers were rushing to him to see what was wrong. I couldn't understand anything beyond his nodding when I asked if he lost his mom, but I didn't need to be able to hear to see that he was lost.
Anyway, I left and went to Target while the kids stayed with James. Our 15 year old microwave caught fire that afternoon so I had an excuse to get out of the noise and get my shop on. We went out for ice cream after that. Aidan ignored his ice cream to take turns eating out of all of ours. Cute... but annoying. Gotta love that kid! He always thinks whatever we are eating or drinking is better than the babyish food and drinks he thinks he is getting.

Tonight we went out again to get a different microwave since the one we got last night didn't even work when we plugged it in.... very very annoying... but love new microwave better so I got over it... I still have not washed my hair. James and I aren't sure we can manage to do it without getting the bandage wet. I need to double check with my doctor tomorrow and find out what he told me during my morphine haze about washing hair. I think he said a week or earlier if I could keep the incision dry. I'm starting to look homeless. I could probably make sculptures with my hair at this point if I had a mind to do so. Any special requests? A duck? a box?

One more note about the weekend... I'm not sure if Aidan feels like I abandoned him for a few days this week, but Daddy is the preferred parental unit in this household right now. He's kept me at an arm's length and seeks his dad out for fun, comfort, and mostly looks to me for food. The joys of motherhood. I think he's starting to forgive me though, and it's been very sweet seeing his bond with James this weekend. At least the timing is great for this phase (even though it does sting a bit) because it's given me time to take a mental and physical break when I really needed one.

On that cheerful note, my bed head and I are off to catch some much needed zzzzzz's.

3 Days After Surgery

What year is this??? ....pleeeeeease make it stop! I'm kidding....kind of.... it's not quite that bad... but today has been pretty rough. The right side of my head is throbbing, and I feel so much pressure. I don't want to take pain meds today, but I think I'd feel better if I did. I just don't want to leave James on solo parenting duty all day.

Aidan came home last night, like the little hurricane he is, zipping through and leaving toys and miscellaneous "stuff" in his wake. Not having the energy to keep up with him yet is a little stressful, and meanwhile, James' blood pressure has gone way up today so he is resting. I'm going to try to wash my hair without getting the incision wet. My stepdaughter, Skylar, is here for the weekend, and I know we'll probably go out to eat later.

One final note, I had my left hearing aid off earlier and shut a kitchen cabinet drawer. I could hear a soft thud on the left side but nothing on the right. I tried it again.... and yep, couldn't make it out with the right ear. It didn't faze me too much, but I did feel a second of... "oh no, what did I do?" and then that passed. I just thought about how very soon I would hear that sound more distinctly and clearly with my right ear than my left when my cochlear implant is finally activated.

The Day After...

I am feeling pretty sore, but it is do-able with the drugs! Melissa went to doctor with me and to x-rays this morning. Dr. McReynolds said everything looked good and to come back in 10 days to check out the cochlear implant incision. My mappings are scheduled for March 31st and April 1st. So exciting!

I tried on my right hearing aid today so I could just get it over with and accept that my residual hearing is gone... well, it worked but it's different! James sounded like Donald Duck on helium. I can't believe I have anything left at all, but I'm not complaining.

Melissa picked lunch up at Chick Fil A for us this afternoon, and Anna is coming by with dinner tonight. James came home early to look after me, and I'm just so happy to be able to relax and not worry about anything else for today. I miss Aidan so much, but this will give me a little time to get back to myself and a chance for him to play with other kids for a few days.

Off to veg...

Implantation Day

I had the surgery today, and it was a success. My husband, James, was just the best today. He's been at my side constantly for the last day. A lot of friends/family have been praying for today, which was very nice of them, and I'm truly grateful. They've either emailed, FBed, or left James a message. I don't think he's called anyone back just yet, but I did get your messages!

We arrived at just after 8:30am. Of all days for an alarm clock slip-up. James thought it was 7:00am when it was really 8:00am. The hospital is barely a hop and skip away, but I was nagging James a bit to step on it. He can fly when he's inspired. They took me back about an hour before surgery and it was all a breeze. I had an interpreter, Emily, who also subbed as an interpreter when I taught at a middle school several years ago.

Veering slightly off topic, but worth mentioning, it usually happens when I have an interpreter for personal business that I have probably known them for school business previously. I can remember going to court for speeding nearly 100 mph (don't ask)... and the interpreter was one I knew from teaching when he subbed a few times. He and the district attorney I was in an office with were stiffling laughter as they tried to ask with a straight face exactly why I felt the need for speed (like I said.... it wasn't in open court and I was first on the books for the day... perks of the deaf!) I also had an interpreter that had subbed at the school, when I had the ultrasound finding out Aidan was going to be a boy. The deaf world is a very small world no matter where you are. Thank God for the code of ethics they abide by to keep personal business private, although I'm outting myself as it is.

So anyway, I knew Emily in the past. She was there before and after surgery. Thank God for her. I wasn't hearing or focusing on anything like I normally would've been. I was a little sad thinking I wouldn't be able to hear out of my right ear with my hearing aid again.... a little nervous about getting knocked out... and some staff members had European accents I had (and almost always have, unless it's a British accent oddly) trouble understanding, especially with a room where sound was bouncing off the walls and tiles easily, but Emily was there to fill in the blanks whenever I tried to speech read unsuccessfully. Several people came by to put an "X" on my right ear to make sure I wasn't missing a spleen or something. The nurse came by and gave me an option of whether to have an IV with Ativan before getting wheeled off or waiting until I was under. I gave her one shot before to get it in because I was more nervous about the operating room and the mask (but it was barely the lesser of two evils) and she did fabulous.... Once I met the anesthiologist and talked to the doctor, I really don't remember much else. I was wheeled away on a hazy calm cloud (2 mg of Ativan in an IV... just the thing for nerves!) and woke up in a stupor two hours later. When I woke up today in the recovery, I started having sharp chest pain when I breathed and felt like my blood pressure was falling (I had a really scary episode with rapidly dropping blood pressure when I was in labor) so they did an EKG, which was fine from what I know. They gave me morphine and the chest pain subsided. I was/am still majorly drugged... LOTs of morphine today so I was able to fall asleep all afternon and evening.

Just wanted to update.. more later. Have doctor appointment in A.M and riding with Melissa. Aidan is staying with his friend, James' (Shelly and Darrell's son). It was rough leaving last night, but Shelly sent message today that she got him to sleep after a bath, clean up, and then several stories with not too much crying. She said he asked for his mommy and daddy... bless his little heart, but he couldn't be anywhere better right now and with awesome people.

I'm laying down for now, but I wanted to update to make it a habit. :)

***updated 3-12 for minor details my hazy self wasn't up for reporting at the time*** :-P